Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
In an era when medical technologies are developingdevelop rapidly, the question of whether adopting alternative medicines and treatments to cure some health problems is more suitable than visiting licensed physiciansprofessional doctors has sparked an intense debate. From my perspective, it is a negative development.
Admittedly, it is reasonable for people to utilize alternative remediesoptional medicines or other methods to improve their overall well‑being. To begin with, **with** the advancement of medical science and cutting‑edge technology, people with minorsome ailments can search for information online and purchase effective medicines to alleviate and even cureeliminate illnesses, instead of visiting doctors in the local hospital. There is no denying that consulting a doctor involves complex procedures, such as booking appointments with doctorsmaking reservations with doctors in advance and travelling to the hospital. Therefore, using alternative measures can not only help improve their health conditions, but also save time, particularly for those with tight schedules.save time for people, particularly those with tight schedules.
However, I am firmly convinced that the demerits of this trend far outweigh its merits. Firstly, since most people are unawareignorant of the side effects of some treatments and medicines, unsupervised self-treatmentblind trust may exacerbate their diseases, leading to unpredictable consequences. By contrast, having acquiredlearnt theoretical knowledge and practical skills for many years before becoming doctors, medical experts can significantly reduce the health risks posed to patientsdetrimental effects posed on humans due to the improper use of drugs. FurthermoreWhat is worse, higher unemployment rates can be attributed to the fact that a mounting number of individuals prefer alternative measures to visiting conventional doctors. With declining demand for doctors, qualified medical professionalstalents in medical fields may lose their jobs and disposable income, causing broader economic challenges within healthcarewidespread social unrest.
In conclusion, although alternative treatmentcurative methods can save people's precious time, the role of doctors cannot be replaced because of their expertisefor their expertise and social importance.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear opinion and logically structured arguments supported by a strong command of grammar and vocabulary. The primary limitation is the inclusion of a slightly exaggerated supporting point regarding doctor unemployment and social unrest, which reduces the persuasiveness of the task response. To improve, focus on developing more plausible and directly relevant real-world examples to support main arguments.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
You clearly state a position throughout the essay and address both sides of the argument effectively.
Ensure all supporting points remain highly realistic and directly relevant, avoiding extreme claims like widespread social unrest from unemployed doctors.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organized logically with clear progression throughout and clear central topics in each paragraph.
Vary cohesive devices slightly more naturally to avoid reliance on overused transitions like 'To begin with' or 'What is worse'.
Lexical Resource
You demonstrate a varied vocabulary with appropriate collocations and sophisticated phrasing suitable for academic writing.
Focus on precise word choices, ensuring phrases like 'optional medicines' accurately reflect 'alternative treatments'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good variety of complex structures is used with a consistently high level of grammatical accuracy.
Maintain this accuracy while aiming for even greater flexibility in complex sentence constructions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.