Some people warn that the era of the silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. Do you agree or disagree with this view?
Sample Response
These days, the existence of cinemas is a hot topic of discussion for not only the journalist but also common folk. Many daily's features and public debates topic have been focusing this issue. Though millions support the opinion of the silver screen will exist in future, I strongly hold the view that the silver screen era will be taken its last breath soon. One of the obvious reasons: advanced televisions and other electronic gadgets facilitate to watch all visual media programme, including films, from the home settings. These facilities cut down the number of cinema customers significantly. Moreover, cinemas mostly cost an arm and a leg for common folk. Televisions breach this barrier considerably. To cite an example, recent UK statistical department study reveals that the ticket sale of the cinema has significantly declined on Sunday evening because of a popular television music show aired the same time. Another reason to support my view is that the live football, cricket and music concert attract massive public attention. They give a complete visual treat, which can not be offered by many cinemas. Furthermore, these kinds of live activities explore several avenues of entertainment than cinemas. Increasing the number of music and sports events is the best epitome for public acceptance. However, an army of people argues that cinema world will not be lost because of the new talented artists will come to the silver screen soon. Perhaps it may be true to some degree, but we can not deny that the other medium of entertainment will also offer high quality of participants’ perfectionism. To crown it all, the other mode of entertainment will shut the popularity of cinema in the future, though some new talented actors and moviemakers will appear in the cinema world in future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix correlative structure Original: for not only the journalist but also common folk Suggested revision: among both journalists and the general public Why it matters: The replacement uses a grammatical parallel structure for the two groups.
- 2. Complete opinion clause Original: support the opinion of Suggested revision: support the view that Why it matters: A finite clause is introduced by 'the view that', not 'the opinion of'.
- 3. Add definite article Original: will exist in future Suggested revision: will exist in the future Why it matters: The fixed time expression requires 'the'.
- 4. Fix verb voice Original: will be taken its last breath Suggested revision: will take its last breath Why it matters: The idiom uses the active form 'take its last breath'.
- 5. Fix verb pattern Original: facilitate to watch Suggested revision: make it easy to watch Why it matters: 'Facilitate' does not take a to-infinitive in this construction.
- 6. Use plural noun Original: programme Suggested revision: programmes Why it matters: The quantifier 'all' requires a plural count noun here.
- 7. Use natural location phrase Original: from the home settings Suggested revision: at home Why it matters: 'At home' is the idiomatic expression for the intended viewing location.
- 8. Use precise attendance term Original: cut down the number of cinema customers significantly Suggested revision: significantly reduce cinema attendance Why it matters: The replacement expresses declining audience numbers more directly and naturally.
- 9. Use formal precise wording Original: cinemas mostly cost an arm and a leg Suggested revision: cinema tickets are often expensive Why it matters: Cinemas themselves do not cost viewers money, and the idiom is too informal for this claim.
- 10. Build complete noun phrase Original: recent UK statistical department study Suggested revision: a recent study by a UK statistics department Why it matters: The phrase needs an article and a clearer expression of authorship.
- 11. Add time preposition Original: show aired the same time Suggested revision: show aired at the same time Why it matters: The phrase 'the same time' requires the preposition 'at'.
- 12. Fix number and agreement Original: the live football, cricket and music concert attract Suggested revision: live football, cricket and music concerts attract Why it matters: The list requires a plural noun, and the unnecessary article should be removed.
Suggested Rewrites
- for not only the journalist but also common folk among both journalists and the general public
- support the opinion of support the view that
- will exist in future will exist in the future
- will be taken its last breath will take its last breath
- facilitate to watch make it easy to watch
- programme programmes
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response states and sustains a clear position, using several relevant reasons such as home viewing, cinema costs, and competing entertainment. Its persuasiveness is reduced by loosely explained claims and frequent awkward or inaccurate phrasing, while the single-block presentation weakens the structure. The highest priority is to organise each main reason into a focused paragraph and explain the cause-and-effect link with precise, grammatically controlled language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A consistent position is supported by several relevant reasons and a counterargument, although some claims are only loosely explained or convincing.
Clarify how each alternative directly reduces cinema attendance and support the reasoning with a plausible, fully explained example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from home viewing to other entertainment and a counterargument is discernible, but one-block presentation and heavy signposting limit cohesion.
Create focused body paragraphs and use referencing and logical connections within them instead of repeatedly announcing each new reason.
Lexical Resource
There is a broad attempt at topic-specific and less common vocabulary, but frequent collocation errors often make the expression awkward or imprecise.
Choose natural combinations such as cinema attendance, home viewing, and reduce cinema's popularity, avoiding idioms unless their use is secure.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures is attempted and the main meaning usually remains clear, but errors in agreement, articles, verb patterns, and clause formation are frequent.
Check every complex sentence for a complete main clause, correct verb pattern, and agreement before adding further detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people warn that the era of the silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. Do you agree or disagree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.