Some people warn that the era of the silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. Do you agree or disagree with this view?
Sample Response
It is widely accepted that silver screen is the best way of entertaining people. While some people argue that the trend for going to cinema have decreased nowadays, some people are in the opinion that, still it is of interest to many more people who desire the mind relaxation through arts. To begin, there is no denying the fact that time constraints encountered is a common issue for people today and these people do not have much spare time to spend on movies. Especially, because of the time lap, one will have to spend on watching cinema may be a bit of long. Due to the busy life schedules of people, they will not deserve to commit such a long time for entertainment and will opt for short time entertaining activities. On the other hand, just because of this competitive nature of people's lives, they will engage in more and more mind relaxation activities in order to reduce the stress level and go for a silver screen and watching a movie. Secondly, with the development of technology, people all over the world enjoy latest technological equipment and innovative as well as newly featured home theatre systems lie on the top of the list. With the availability of such new, highly modified systems in hand, people tend to stay home and watch movies with their entire family. In this way, people will not have to spend time on travelling as well as they can enjoy more free postures while they are watching the movie in their own home. By opting to watch movies at home instead of going to the cinema, people can also find it flexible to watch it at their convenient. Although it is free and flexible to watch a movie at home, the feeling of a change will not be sensed by the mind as it happens while watching a movie in the cinema. Therefore, some people still prefer to experience the change that can have while they are sitting in the cinema with their loved ones. To sum up, it is acceptable that people tend to be away from the silver screen due to numerous circumstances. Yet, I believe, there are some good reasons that the era of the silver screen will not come to an end although there are reductions in the number of people who will go for it and hence disagree with the statement.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the article Original: that silver screen Suggested revision: that the silver screen Why it matters: The established noun phrase ‘the silver screen’ requires the definite article.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: the best way of entertaining people Suggested revision: one of the best forms of entertainment Why it matters: The revision is more idiomatic and avoids an unnecessarily absolute claim.
- 3. Fix agreement and collocation Original: trend for going to cinema have decreased Suggested revision: trend of going to the cinema has declined Why it matters: The singular subject requires ‘has’, and ‘trend of’ and ‘declined’ are the natural choices.
- 4. Fix the expression Original: are in the opinion Suggested revision: hold the opinion Why it matters: ‘Hold the opinion’ is the correct idiomatic expression.
- 5. Fix word order Original: that, still it is Suggested revision: that it is still Why it matters: The adverb belongs after the subject and verb, without the comma.
- 6. Remove false comparison Original: many more people Suggested revision: many people Why it matters: ‘More’ is unnecessary because no comparison group is stated.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: the mind relaxation through arts Suggested revision: mental relaxation through the arts Why it matters: ‘Mental relaxation’ and ‘the arts’ are the standard expressions.
- 8. Fix subject agreement Original: time constraints encountered is Suggested revision: time constraints are Why it matters: The plural subject ‘constraints’ requires ‘are’, and ‘encountered’ is unnecessary here.
- 9. Avoid repetition Original: these people Suggested revision: they Why it matters: The pronoun refers clearly to ‘people today’ and improves sentence flow.
- 10. Correct word choice Original: lap Suggested revision: required Why it matters: ‘Time lap’ does not mean the amount of time needed for an activity.
- 11. Fix verb pattern Original: spend on watching cinema Suggested revision: spend watching a film Why it matters: The verb ‘spend’ takes an -ing form directly in this construction.
- 12. Fix degree phrase Original: a bit of long Suggested revision: rather long Why it matters: ‘A bit of’ cannot modify the adjective ‘long’ in this structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- that silver screen that the silver screen
- the best way of entertaining people one of the best forms of entertainment
- trend for going to cinema have decreased trend of going to the cinema has declined
- are in the opinion hold the opinion
- that, still it is that it is still
- many more people many people
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents a recognizable disagreement and considers both pressures reducing cinema attendance and reasons cinemas may endure. Its strongest feature is the range of relevant ideas, but frequent grammatical and lexical inaccuracies, together with the absence of paragraphing, make the argument awkward and sometimes difficult to follow. Prioritize clear paragraph boundaries and accurate, natural sentence construction so each reason supports the position directly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue with relevant reasons on both sides and ultimately states disagreement, although the position is not consistently clear.
State the disagreement in the introduction and develop each reason explicitly around why cinema attendance will or will not disappear.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a broadly recognizable sequence, but the single-block presentation and mechanical linking weaken progression and readability.
Divide the response into an introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, using fewer formulaic transitions.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in topic vocabulary, but frequent unnatural collocations and inaccurate word choices reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as "mind relaxation," "free postures," and "at their convenient" with natural, context-appropriate wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent agreement, article, preposition, and sentence-construction errors sometimes strain comprehension.
Build shorter complete clauses first, then check subject-verb agreement and verb patterns before combining ideas into complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people warn that the era of the silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. Do you agree or disagree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.