Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Road safety has become a great concern for people with the rise of accidents and fatality those accidents cause every day. People have a varying opinion on how to make roads safe and I believe strict laws should be there to punish the driving offenders but a combination of other methods would bring better results. On the one hand, people seem to abide by a law or rule when they know that violation would bring severe retribution. For instance, in some Asian countries pedestrians used to cross the roads and when a more rigid penalty has been imposed, those very people started using the underpass. From this perspective, strict penalty and fine can certainly improve the road safety as people would be more cautious and afraid of the consequence of the violation of the traffic laws. As an outcome, it is a fact that, the sterner the punishment, the greater chances that people would follow the rules. On the other hand, there are already severe punishments for driving offenders including ceasing the driving license, monetary fines and imprisonments. Despite this, the number of road accidents is increasing every year. This is why I believe that only punishment cannot ensure the road security and safety. A combination of other initiatives is also required. First, we need to aware people about the devastating consequences traffic rule violations can bring to our life. Second, the requirements for passing the driving test should be standardised and made more practical, especially in developing countries where people can use advantages of the corruption. It is often noticed that many young people are given driving license without scrutinising their experience and skills. This should be completely avoided and after a certain period, each driver should be retested. Third, unfit vehicles should not be allowed to run on the roads as these cars cause more accidents according to the recent Road Transport Authority report. Finally, the traffic system of a country should be modernised and more surveillance cameras and speed test cameras should be there. To conclude, punishment to traffic rule violators is a good way to make the road safer but the combination of other steps would bring more desired results.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix number and clause Original: rise of accidents and fatality those accidents cause Suggested revision: rise in accidents and the fatalities they cause Why it matters: The phrase needs “rise in”, a plural count noun, and a pronoun subject in the relative clause.
- 2. Use plural opinions Original: a varying opinion Suggested revision: varying opinions Why it matters: The statement refers to different views held by multiple people, so the noun should be plural.
- 3. Use formal policy phrase Original: strict laws should be there Suggested revision: strict laws should be in place Why it matters: “Be in place” is the idiomatic expression for laws that exist and operate.
- 4. Fix article and comma Original: the driving offenders but Suggested revision: driving offenders, but Why it matters: The generic plural needs no article, and a comma should precede the contrasting independent clause.
- 5. Fix article and collocation Original: violation would bring severe retribution Suggested revision: a violation would result in severe punishment Why it matters: The count noun needs an article, and “result in punishment” is the natural collocation.
- 6. Use plural past form Original: a more rigid penalty has been imposed Suggested revision: stricter penalties were imposed Why it matters: The completed example requires the past tense and naturally refers to penalties in general.
- 7. Use plural penalty nouns Original: strict penalty and fine Suggested revision: strict penalties and fines Why it matters: The general claim concerns multiple possible penalties and fines.
- 8. Simplify consequence phrase Original: afraid of the consequence of the violation of the traffic laws Suggested revision: fearful of the consequences of violating traffic laws Why it matters: The revision removes unnecessary noun stacking and uses the plural “consequences” for a general claim.
- 9. Remove faulty framing Original: it is a fact that, the sterner Suggested revision: the sterner Why it matters: The framing phrase is unnecessary and places an incorrect comma before the comparative construction.
- 10. Complete comparative pattern Original: the greater chances that Suggested revision: the greater the chance that Why it matters: The correlative structure requires “the + comparative” in both halves.
- 11. Correct penalty list Original: severe punishments for driving offenders including ceasing the driving license, monetary fines and imprisonments Suggested revision: severe punishments for driving offenders, including licence revocation, fines and imprisonment Why it matters: The revision uses the correct term for withdrawing a licence and fixes redundant or uncountable list items.
- 12. Clarify limitation claim Original: only punishment cannot ensure the road security and safety Suggested revision: punishment alone cannot ensure road safety Why it matters: “Punishment alone” expresses the limitation clearly, while “security and safety” is redundant.
Suggested Rewrites
- rise of accidents and fatality those accidents cause rise in accidents and the fatalities they cause
- a varying opinion varying opinions
- strict laws should be there strict laws should be in place
- the driving offenders but driving offenders, but
- violation would bring severe retribution a violation would result in severe punishment
- a more rigid penalty has been imposed stricter penalties were imposed
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response discusses both views thoroughly and sustains a nuanced opinion that punishment helps but works better alongside education, stronger testing, vehicle standards, and modern enforcement. Its main weaknesses are the absence of paragraph breaks and recurrent awkward grammar and collocation, even though the reasoning remains clear. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the two views and proposed measures into focused paragraphs while refining inaccurate legal and road-safety expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both perspectives are well covered, the position is consistent, and several relevant complementary measures are developed with support.
Evaluate which additional measure would have the greatest effect and explain how it complements deterrent punishment rather than merely listing options.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical two-sided progression and uses clear sequencing, but the entire essay is one paragraph and the long list of measures becomes mechanical.
Use distinct paragraphs for punishment, alternative measures, comparative evaluation, and conclusion, grouping related initiatives together.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of road-safety and legal vocabulary, though frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Use established terms such as revoke a driving licence, imprisonment, raise public awareness, exploit corruption, vehicle inspections, and speed cameras.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied structures convey the ideas effectively, but article, agreement, plural, clause-boundary, and verb-pattern errors occur regularly.
Proofread complex sentences for complete clauses and correct noun phrases, especially when discussing laws, licences, violations, and enforcement measures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.