Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
Nowadays, the accidents that occur on the road are likely to rise in number in some countries. While an army of people think that these issues can be tackled by penalising offenders strictly, others think that there are other steps that can be taken to cope with it. It is clear that the strict punishments set up for the driving offences can make them fear to break the laws. For instance, if they are proven to disobey the applied rules, it is seemly a good way to punish them by taking their driving licenses forcefully. This measure is likely to alert them to think twice before breaking the laws because if they commit it they cannot drive anymore. This way can indirectly encourage them to obey the rules hence the accidents on the road are likely to be declined. The traffic rules are applicable only for the drivers, but also for the ordinary commuters as well. While an over-bridge or an under pathway is mandatory for crossing the busy roads, many people do not obey this rules. It is not unusual that many careless drivers do not follow the traffic signals and all these violations of traffic rules cause severe accidents and congestion in many cities. Hence, implementing strict punishment and fine can be one effective solution to tackle this issue. On the other hand, many believe that other measures could be more successful to address this problem, including creating awareness among citizens to drive safely, organising seminars & training programmes about the importance of road safety and modernising the traffic control system. The research carried out by Statistics Center, an organisation at the University of Diponegoro, reveals that citizens in Semarang who have wide knowledge about how to drive safely tend to obey the applied rules if compared to the ones who does not have this knowledge. This makes clear that these measures can be utilised to create a consciousness to be safe riders.
Apart from that, the number of cars and buses on the roads in many cities is much higher and restricting the private car ownership can reduce the number of cars on the roads and thus the number of accidents or casualties. Improving the traffic system with modern equipment and enrolling more trained and professional traffic police could be another great way to tackle this issue. To conclude, the establishment of punishment strictly is a wise idea but by presenting workshops and training programmes to all citizens, especially drivers of different vehicles, improving the traffic control system are the finest ways to encourage them to increase security on the way.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve the collocation Original: rise Suggested revision: increase Why it matters: Numbers “increase” rather than “rise in number” in this context.
- 2. Use neutral wording Original: an army of people Suggested revision: many people Why it matters: “An army of people” is an inappropriate metaphor for a general group holding an opinion.
- 3. Fix pronoun agreement Original: cope with it Suggested revision: address them Why it matters: The pronoun must refer clearly to the plural noun “issues.”
- 4. Correct the collocation Original: strict punishments set up for the driving offences Suggested revision: strict punishments imposed for driving offences Why it matters: Punishments are “imposed,” and the generic phrase “driving offences” needs no article.
- 5. Correct verb pattern Original: fear Suggested revision: afraid Why it matters: “Afraid to break” is the appropriate structure after “make them.”
- 6. Fix passive structure Original: if they are proven to disobey the applied rules Suggested revision: if they are found to have disobeyed the applicable rules Why it matters: The revised passive correctly describes establishing that an offence has already occurred.
- 7. Replace misused word Original: it is seemly a good way Suggested revision: it is a suitable response Why it matters: “Seemly” does not mean “apparently” and is unnatural in this construction.
- 8. Use precise legal wording Original: taking their driving licenses forcefully Suggested revision: revoking their driving licences Why it matters: “Revoke a driving licence” is the standard expression for this penalty.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: alert them to think twice Suggested revision: make them think twice Why it matters: The fixed expression is “make someone think twice.”
- 10. Clarify the object Original: if they commit it Suggested revision: if they commit an offence Why it matters: The pronoun “it” has no clear singular antecedent.
- 11. Separate the clauses Original: rules hence the accidents Suggested revision: rules; hence, accidents Why it matters: A semicolon and comma correctly separate the result clause introduced by “hence.”
- 12. Use active form Original: likely to be declined Suggested revision: likely to decline Why it matters: Accident numbers decline; they are not normally “declined” by an unstated agent.
Suggested Rewrites
- rise increase
- an army of people many people
- cope with it address them
- strict punishments set up for the driving offences strict punishments imposed for driving offences
- fear afraid
- if they are proven to disobey the applied rules if they are found to have disobeyed the applicable rules
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both positions and gives a clear preference for education, traffic-system improvements, and enforcement working beyond punishment alone, supported by several relevant examples. Its main weakness is that ideas are sometimes repeated or packed into loosely organised sections while frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision; prioritise a cleaner paragraph structure and accurate sentence construction around one developed example per measure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are discussed and the preference for a combination of broader safety measures is clear, with relevant explanation and examples despite some repetition.
Make the comparative judgement sharper by explaining why the preferred measures would outperform punishment rather than mainly listing additional solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses from punishment to alternative measures and a conclusion, but some long sections combine several ideas and cohesive devices are occasionally mechanical.
Use one paragraph for each view and organise each around a single controlling idea followed by explanation and evidence.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for road safety and enforcement, but frequent awkward collocations and imprecise expressions limit lexical control.
Replace unnatural phrases with standard combinations such as deter offenders, revoke licences, raise awareness, and improve road safety.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer uses varied sentence forms and meaning remains mostly clear, although errors in agreement, articles, reference, and passive constructions recur.
Check every sentence for subject-verb agreement and use active constructions when passive forms become awkward or unclear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.