Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Same question Compare 3 different answersSample Response
A group of people believe that in order to increase the safety for the driving on roads, governments should make stricter regulations for any indiscipline in driving attitudes. On the contrary, another group thinks that authorities should consider other effective solutions for it. The following essay will discuss both views in details, but in my personal opinion, I do believe that the combination of both ideas would ensure a better road safety.
On the one hand, many people worry about the number of driving accidents. Each year, the number of people who are injured or pass away due to traffic accidents has increased significantly. In most cases, accidents have occurred due to the interdisciplinary acts of the drivers themselves, such as speeding, drunk driving or using their mobile phones during driving. And to solve the problem, the government should make a strict regulation about traffic accidents. People who are found to be guilty of any driving rule violation should be punished with serious penalties and detentions. By having these kinds of policy, it is hoped that traffic accident rates will decrease gradually.
On the other hand, other people believe that strict punishments would not effectively solve the problem. There are other measures which governments and the public should consider. Firstly, governments could cooperate with the media in making campaign about safe driving. Television commercials and magazine advertisements could be used by the government in socialising about the negative effect of aggressive or offensive driving. Secondly, governments could also give rewards to their citizens who are obeying the road regulations. For example, when people renew their driving license, authorities could check their track records. Those who have clean track records could get motor vehicles tax discount or exemption.
In conclusion, people have a varying opinion on how to reduce the number traffic accidents. While some people believe that there should be stricter policies and regulations about driving, others think that there should be another effective way of addressing the issue. In my point of view, I believe that both policies have their own positive sides and when people could combine them, it would be an effective way of reducing traffic accidents.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: safety for the driving on roads Suggested revision: safety on the roads Why it matters: “Safety on the roads” is the natural expression for road safety.
- 2. Choose accurate wording Original: indiscipline in driving attitudes Suggested revision: undisciplined driving behaviour Why it matters: The revised phrase clearly refers to improper behaviour by drivers.
- 3. Use contrast accurately Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: “By contrast” appropriately introduces a different view rather than directly disproving the previous statement.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: solutions for it Suggested revision: solutions to the problem Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase is clearer and uses the correct preposition after “solutions.”
- 5. Use fixed expression Original: details Suggested revision: detail Why it matters: The fixed adverbial expression is “in detail,” with the singular noun.
- 6. Remove redundant wording Original: in my personal opinion, I do believe Suggested revision: in my opinion, I believe Why it matters: “Personal” and emphatic “do” repeat meaning already conveyed by “my opinion” and “believe.”
- 7. Remove the article Original: a better road safety Suggested revision: better road safety Why it matters: “Road safety” is uncountable here and therefore does not take “a.”
- 8. Use precise term Original: driving Suggested revision: traffic Why it matters: “Traffic accidents” is the standard term for accidents involving road users.
- 9. Use formal wording Original: pass away Suggested revision: die Why it matters: “Die” is more direct and appropriate for formal academic writing than the euphemism “pass away.”
- 10. Correct word choice Original: interdisciplinary acts Suggested revision: irresponsible actions Why it matters: “Interdisciplinary” concerns multiple academic fields and does not describe unsafe driving behaviour.
- 11. Use a finite clause Original: during Suggested revision: while Why it matters: “While driving” is the natural structure for an action occurring during the driving activity.
- 12. Remove unnecessary conjunction Original: And to solve Suggested revision: To solve Why it matters: The purpose phrase can begin the sentence directly without the conversational conjunction “And.”
Suggested Rewrites
- safety for the driving on roads safety on the roads
- indiscipline in driving attitudes undisciplined driving behaviour
- On the contrary By contrast
- solutions for it solutions to the problem
- details detail
- in my personal opinion, I do believe in my opinion, I believe
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is well organised around both views and gives a clear, consistent opinion, with relevant measures and examples supporting each side. Its main limitation is persistent imprecision in word choice and grammar, which sometimes makes otherwise sensible points sound unnatural. Focus first on accurate collocations and sentence-level control, then deepen the comparison of why a combined approach would be more effective.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed with relevant explanations and examples, and the preference for combining punishment with other measures remains clear throughout.
Explain more explicitly why the proposed combination would outperform either approach alone, rather than mainly describing the two sides separately.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly through a conventional introduction, two balanced body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, with effective overall paragraphing.
Make links within paragraphs less formulaic and ensure each supporting sentence advances the central claim rather than restating the issue.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate choices and collocations such as interdisciplinary acts and socialising about reduce precision.
Prefer familiar, accurate combinations such as traffic violations, road-safety campaigns, and vehicle-tax discounts over ambitious but unsuitable wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted and meaning remains clear, but errors with articles, agreement, prepositions, noun forms, and conditional structures occur regularly.
Proofread complex sentences for article and verb-form accuracy, especially around plural subjects, relative clauses, and hypothetical recommendations.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
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