Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
At recent years, there is an ongoing debate whether giving dire punishment to driving offences are the best solution to overcome severe accidents in roads or not. While some support this idea, many others believe that governments should provide improvements in road safety. This essay will try to discuss both views with several considerations given underneath.
People are not prompted to engage safety driving because there are no regulations relating to drivers to be more careful on the road. It can be found in developing countries where the traffic is not well arranged and as a result, the numbers of terrible accidents remain dominant. Dissimilar with it, developed countries pay more attentions in this case by restricting the use of vehicles without licence limiting the top speed in certain busy areas such as boulevards and main roads, and imposing fine for all the offence forms in high rate, and as a result, these countries can overcome traffic accidents.
However, governments with all efforts must improve the infrastructure of safety riding. Traffic signs should be renewed, the facilities in the road are supposed to be changed, etc. so the drivers can recognise the driving surroundings vividly. Furthermore, technologies are also urgent to deal with daunting events in driving environment. It is good news that outrageously inventions have been created and applied but still attempts in technology findings are required.
In conclusion, while there are regulations to be defined, governments together with scientists, engineers, and car businessmen have to maximise in providing safety riding facilities to gain maximum result on this issue.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct verb Original: provide improvements in road safety Suggested revision: improve road safety Why it matters: “Improve” directly expresses the action without the awkward phrase “provide improvements.”
- 2. Use formal signposting Original: considerations given underneath Suggested revision: considerations presented below Why it matters: “Presented below” is the appropriate formal expression for later content.
- 3. Fix driving phrase Original: not prompted to engage safety driving Suggested revision: not encouraged to drive safely Why it matters: The adverb “safely” modifies the verb “drive,” and “encouraged” is natural in this context.
- 4. Use requirement clause Original: regulations relating to drivers to be more careful Suggested revision: regulations requiring drivers to be more careful Why it matters: The participial clause clearly states what the regulations require.
- 5. Clarify reference Original: It can be found Suggested revision: This can be seen Why it matters: “This” explicitly refers to the preceding lack of regulation.
- 6. Use traffic collocation Original: the traffic is not well arranged Suggested revision: traffic is poorly managed Why it matters: Traffic is “managed” rather than “arranged.”
- 7. Fix number expression Original: the numbers of terrible accidents Suggested revision: the number of serious accidents Why it matters: A single total takes “the number,” and “serious accidents” is the natural formal phrase.
- 8. Fix agreement and meaning Original: remain dominant Suggested revision: remains high Why it matters: The singular subject “number” requires “remains,” and accident totals are described as high rather than dominant.
- 9. Use contrast linker Original: Dissimilar with it Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: “By contrast” is the standard connector for opposing the previous example.
- 10. Fix noun and preposition Original: pay more attentions in this case Suggested revision: pay more attention to this issue Why it matters: “Attention” is uncountable and takes the preposition “to.”
- 11. Add article and comma Original: without licence limiting Suggested revision: without a licence, limiting Why it matters: The countable noun needs an article, and the list requires a comma between its first two actions.
- 12. Use plural noun Original: fine Suggested revision: fines Why it matters: The general policy involves multiple fines, so the plural form is required.
Suggested Rewrites
- provide improvements in road safety improve road safety
- considerations given underneath considerations presented below
- not prompted to engage safety driving not encouraged to drive safely
- regulations relating to drivers to be more careful regulations requiring drivers to be more careful
- It can be found This can be seen
- the traffic is not well arranged traffic is poorly managed
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay addresses both stricter enforcement and alternative road-safety measures, and its conclusion favours a combined focus on regulation, infrastructure, and technology. Its strongest feature is the recognizable two-sided structure; the main limitation is that the alternative measures remain vague and the writer’s comparative judgment is not explicit enough. The priority is to state which approach is more effective and develop specific measures, such as road design, driver education, and vehicle-safety technology, with clear causal explanations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed through enforcement and infrastructure or technology, but support is general and the writer’s required opinion is only indirectly expressed.
State a direct comparative opinion and explain how one specific punishment and two alternative measures would reduce accidents.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay uses a clear introduction, two body sections, and conclusion, though weak internal links and vague examples limit the progression within paragraphs.
Give each body paragraph a precise topic sentence and connect every example to its expected effect on accident rates.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts relevant road-safety vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations such as “dire punishment,” “safety riding,” and “outrageously inventions” obscure meaning.
Use precise terms such as “severe penalties,” “safe driving,” “road infrastructure,” “vehicle-safety technology,” and “reduce accident rates.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in agreement, articles, plurals, prepositions, modifiers, and complex sentence formation occur, sometimes making details difficult to follow.
Build shorter clauses and check forms such as “penalties are,” “on the roads,” “pay more attention,” “impose high fines,” and “innovative technologies.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.