Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?
Sample Response
In the era of focusing on education, many people debate whetherhave a deep discussion that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. Some people think that primary schools put too much concentration on formal learning, which reducesreduce the time of playing . In my opinion, I agree that primary schools focus too much on formal learning, and it is important for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom. Nowadays, many primary schools have the pursuitpersuit of excellent education, so they intend to decrease the time of elective subjectsselected course, such as physical education, art, and musicsuch as PE class, art course, music class and so on. In this way, they leave students with no timemake students have no time to relax, so they may feel more anxious than before. At the same timetrime, students have to focus more attentionconcern on formal learning and the core coursesnecessary course. For example, students worry about their grades and doubtstudents worried about their main subject's level and ask themselves frequently,so they will get doubtful and become less confident than before. Besides, it will cause many mental health issuesmental issue and make students struggle with their studiesvulnerable at study. However, let students play at the gym or the playground to relax, which help them release their study pressure and improve their cognitive abilitiesbrain operation skills. For example, running helps students to forget academic pressuresstudy cases and focus on exercises. What's more,it can make their brain relax and improveprove their physical health. More importantly, it canThe more important thing is it can reduce the mental problemsproblemof them, helping them grow happily and healthily. So it is important for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay directly addresses both parts of the prompt, establishing a clear position and developing relevant arguments about stress and the benefits of play. However, frequent grammatical errors, limited word choice, and mechanical cohesive devices hinder the overall fluency and precision. To achieve a higher score, focus on improving sentence structure accuracy and expanding topic-specific vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
You address all parts of the task with a clear stance and relevant main ideas supporting play and formal learning balance.
Provide more fully extended explanations and concrete examples to support your points more deeply.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and ideas progress reasonably well, though transitions can feel repetitive and mechanical.
Use a wider variety of linking phrases and improve referencing to make paragraph transitions flow more naturally.
Lexical Resource
You attempt to use topic-related vocabulary, but word choice errors and awkward phrasing frequently occur.
Focus on learning natural word partnerships and precise academic vocabulary rather than trying to use complex words incorrectly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
You attempt both simple and complex sentence structures, but noticeable grammatical errors in agreement and sentence construction persist throughout.
Review subject-verb agreement and relative clause structures to increase the proportion of error-free sentences.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.