Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?
Same question Compare all 3 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
There is a common concern that primary education has become overly academic, with children spending too much time on formal subjects and too little on other activities. I largely agree that this can happen, especially where schools are judged mainly by test results. In my view, play is an essential part of classroom learning rather than simply a break from it.
Primary schools must of course teach pupils basic literacy and numeracy. These skills give children access to later learning and should not be neglected. However, a timetable dominated by worksheets, tests and teacher-led lessons may be unsuitable for young learners. At this age, many children find it difficult to sit still and concentrate for long periods. If they are repeatedly asked to memorise facts or complete exercises, they may become anxious about school and lose their natural curiosity. Pressure on teachers to improve examination performance can make this situation worse, because subjects such as art, music and practical activities are sometimes treated as less valuable.
Play has several important educational benefits. Through games, role play and building activities, children can practise language and mathematics in meaningful situations. For example, a class shop can teach counting, communication and cooperation at the same time. Free or guided play also develops social abilities: pupils learn to share materials, solve disagreements and accept rules. These experiences are difficult to gain from a textbook alone. Furthermore, active tasks allow teachers to notice children who are quiet or who struggle with conventional written work, so support can be provided earlier.
In conclusion, formal instruction is necessary in primary school, but an excessive focus on it is likely to limit both enjoyment and development. Play should therefore be included regularly in classroom life, since it supports academic progress as well as creativity, confidence and social skills.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify reference Original: this can happen Suggested revision: this imbalance can occur Why it matters: Naming the imbalance makes the reference more precise.
- 2. Use tighter phrasing Original: an essential part of classroom learning Suggested revision: an essential component of classroom learning Why it matters: Component is a more precise academic term in this context.
- 3. Set off aside Original: must of course teach Suggested revision: must, of course, teach Why it matters: Commas clearly mark the parenthetical phrase of course.
- 4. Improve collocation Original: give children access to later learning Suggested revision: provide a foundation for later learning Why it matters: Provide a foundation expresses the relationship between basic skills and later study more naturally.
- 5. Make wording direct Original: may be unsuitable for young learners Suggested revision: may not suit young learners Why it matters: The direct verb suit makes the claim more concise.
- 6. Specify the reference Original: make this situation worse Suggested revision: intensify this imbalance Why it matters: The replacement identifies the precise problem instead of using the vague word situation.
- 7. Remove redundancy Original: several important educational benefits Suggested revision: several educational benefits Why it matters: Educational benefits are already presented as valuable, so important adds little meaning.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: develops social abilities Suggested revision: develops social skills Why it matters: Social skills is the more conventional collocation for sharing and resolving disagreements.
- 9. Clarify what develops Original: These experiences are difficult to gain Suggested revision: These skills are difficult to develop Why it matters: Skills refers more accurately to the abilities listed in the preceding sentence.
- 10. Use active voice Original: so support can be provided earlier Suggested revision: so they can provide support earlier Why it matters: The active construction clearly identifies teachers as the people providing support.
Suggested Rewrites
- this can happen this imbalance can occur
- an essential part of classroom learning an essential component of classroom learning
- must of course teach must, of course, teach
- give children access to later learning provide a foundation for later learning
- may be unsuitable for young learners may not suit young learners
- make this situation worse intensify this imbalance
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear, consistent position and relevant explanation of how play supports both academic and social development. Its main limitation is that the case against excessive formal learning relies mostly on general claims, so the highest-priority improvement is to develop one precise classroom example showing how a play-based approach can achieve a formal learning objective more effectively.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both questions directly, maintains a clear position, and develops its main ideas with relevant explanation and examples.
Strengthen the argument further by developing one more precise comparison between excessive formal instruction and purposeful play.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used naturally and without drawing attention to themselves.
Make the relationship between the two body paragraphs even sharper by explicitly linking the drawbacks of formal instruction to the benefits of play.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used naturally, including effective educational terms and consistently appropriate collocations.
Refine the lexical range further by replacing a few broad terms such as activities and abilities with more context-specific wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a wide range of complex structures accurately, with consistently controlled punctuation and sentence formation.
Maintain this strong accuracy while adding occasional greater variation in sentence openings and emphasis structures.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.