Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
It is unquestionable that one very complex issue in today's world is the funding support to creative artists. While there is a controversy that should be supported and funded by the government. I do believe that there is also a case for saying that they should be funded by alternative sources.
It is fairly easy to understand the reason why government support is vital to artists and their projects. Perhaps by considering that proportion of artists are living in poverty. In fact, only a few artists, who have achieved success in their fields, are able to support themselves, whereas others are still struggling for life and some of them even living below the poverty line. Likewise, the construction of a non-profitable art gallery, which helps the public to develop a sense of art, requires vast sums of money. Therefore, without financial funding by government, our cities would be much less interesting and attractive.
However, we can fairly understand that artists should no emphasis on the state to fund their work. While most musicians and the majority of painters make a living by performing or selling their artistic creations to fans or collectors. Besides, as to painters or musicians, they can expect to gain their income as tutors giving individuals lessons. In short, these artists are capable of gaining financial support in a number of ways.
In conclusion, I believe that there are good reasons why artists should not only rely on the government for supporting them, but the alternative sources of financial support should be suggested.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unnatural collocation Original: the funding support to creative artists Suggested revision: financial support for creative artists Why it matters: Use the standard preposition and avoid repetition.
- 2. Missing subject Original: there is a controversy that should be supported Suggested revision: there is controversy over whether artists should be supported Why it matters: The clause needs a clear subject.
- 3. Fragment Original: Perhaps by considering that proportion Suggested revision: One reason is that a proportion Why it matters: This needs to be a complete sentence.
- 4. Natural phrase Original: struggling for life Suggested revision: struggling to survive Why it matters: This is the natural collocation.
- 5. Verb form Original: some of them even living Suggested revision: some of them are even living Why it matters: A finite verb is needed.
- 6. Correct term Original: non-profitable art gallery Suggested revision: non-profit art gallery Why it matters: “Non-profit” is the usual adjective.
- 7. Article and preposition Original: without financial funding by government Suggested revision: without financial support from the government Why it matters: This is the natural form.
- 8. Verb pattern Original: should no emphasis Suggested revision: should not rely Why it matters: The original wording is ungrammatical.
- 9. Sentence fragment Original: While most musicians Suggested revision: Most musicians Why it matters: The “while” clause is not attached to a main clause.
- 10. Collocation Original: gain their income Suggested revision: earn income Why it matters: Use “earn” with income.
- 11. Weak verb Original: should be suggested Suggested revision: should be encouraged Why it matters: “Encouraged” better fits the recommendation.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: While there is a controversy that should be supported and funded by the government. Suggested revision: There is controversy over whether creative artists should be supported and funded by the government. Why it matters: The original is a sentence fragment with no clear subject.
Suggested Rewrites
- the funding support to creative artists financial support for creative artists
- there is a controversy that should be supported there is controversy over whether artists should be supported
- Perhaps by considering that proportion One reason is that a proportion
- struggling for life struggling to survive
- some of them even living some of them are even living
- non-profitable art gallery non-profit art gallery
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are discussed and an opinion is present, but the final position is not developed clearly enough.
Say explicitly that government should fund public-interest art while commercial artists can use private sources.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is clear, but topic sentences and examples are sometimes thin or fragmentary.
Begin each body paragraph with a complete sentence stating the view being discussed.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant to funding and artists, but several collocations are unnatural.
Use precise phrases such as state funding, private sponsorship, public access to art, and commercial income.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Fragments, verb-pattern errors, articles, and awkward clauses reduce control.
Turn fragments into complete sentences and check verb patterns after modal verbs.