Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It has been widely acknowledged that the number of working women increased significantly over the last century, and they got involved in the different types of works. This topic is in particular importance because the equality between women and men has become one of the most debated issues. This essay will discuss whether both sexes suitable for whatever job or not.
On the one hand, the main reason why women and men can occupy the same type of work is related to mental ability and intelligence. There is no relation between individual ability and gender. For example, the most important part when someone applying for a job in most companies is the grade and the certificate rather than the gender. Moreover, there are women who have become a policeman, which is quite dangerous, and they are successful in their careers.
On the other hand, there are some types of works which is not suitable for all. Jobs that require physical activity, for instance, are more likely to be filled by men such as builder and army. In contrast, women are quite emotional and they have which is called (caring nature), for this reason, they are more suitable to be employed in nursing and caring. In these instances, obviously, women and men have different natural abilities.
In conclusion, this essay has looked at whether women and men should have the same jobs or not. It would seem that women and men are capable of having the same type of careers, and individual ability is far important than the gender identity. Perhaps, with the development in the world, females can occupy more sensitive positions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Tense choice Original: increased significantly over the last century Suggested revision: has increased significantly over the last century Why it matters: Present perfect is better for a trend continuing to the present.
- 2. Uncountable noun Original: different types of works Suggested revision: different types of work Why it matters: Work is uncountable in this general sense.
- 3. Wrong phrase Original: in particular importance Suggested revision: of particular importance Why it matters: Of particular importance is the correct expression.
- 4. Missing verb Original: whether both sexes suitable Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The clause needs the verb are before suitable.
- 5. Informal phrase Original: whatever job or not Suggested revision: the same jobs Why it matters: The same jobs is clearer and more formal.
- 6. Verb form Original: when someone applying Suggested revision: when someone applies Why it matters: Use a finite verb after when in this clause.
- 7. More natural terms Original: the grade and the certificate Suggested revision: qualifications and certificates Why it matters: These are clearer criteria for employment.
- 8. Agreement and gender Original: a policeman Suggested revision: police officers Why it matters: Women is plural, and police officers is gender-neutral.
- 9. Agreement Original: types of works which is not suitable Suggested revision: types of work that are not suitable Why it matters: Types is plural, so use are.
- 10. Job categories Original: builder and army Suggested revision: construction and military roles Why it matters: These are clearer categories of physically demanding work.
- 11. Awkward phrase Original: they have which is called (caring nature) Suggested revision: they are often said to have a caring nature Why it matters: The original phrasing is not grammatical and the parentheses are unnecessary.
- 12. Natural structure Original: more suitable to be employed in nursing and caring Suggested revision: more suitable for nursing and caregiving roles Why it matters: Suitable for is more natural than suitable to be employed in.
Suggested Rewrites
- increased significantly over the last century has increased significantly over the last century
- different types of works different types of work
- in particular importance of particular importance
- whether both sexes suitable are
- whatever job or not the same jobs
- when someone applying when someone applies
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay responds to the question and gives a mostly disagreeing position, but the discussion partly reinforces stereotypes and the conclusion could be more decisive.
State exactly to what extent you agree, then focus on job suitability being based on individual ability rather than gender.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is clearly paragraphed with a contrast structure, but some transitions are formulaic and a few ideas are not smoothly connected.
Use topic sentences that directly support your position instead of only using on the one hand and on the other hand.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant but sometimes inaccurate or unnatural, especially work, suitable, gender identity, and sensitive positions.
Use precise terms such as employment, occupations, physical requirements, caregiving roles, qualifications, and individual merit.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent errors with subject-verb agreement, articles, plural nouns, and clause structure, but meaning is usually clear.
Check every sentence for a clear subject and verb, especially after whether and in relative clauses.