Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people think that women and men have different strengths and weaknesses and as a result of that some certain jobs are suitable for men and some certain jobs are suitable for women. I do not agree with this opinion.
Before the Second World War, the labour force was dominated by the males. Female workers could find a very little area in the job market to work but during and after the Second World War producers needed waste amount of labour force to keep their facilities running. Because of a certain number of men was in the military services, they started to hire female workers. Especially in the USA. This was the first time which the female workers show they can do the same job with male workers.
After the following years, female workers became more qualified and they started to penetrate higher positions. In the seventies and eighties, females were all over the job market and in any position. That shows us that if they have given opportunities, women can do any job which a man can do.
Some people thought that the women have physical weaknesses according to men and that prevented to do jobs which need physical endurance. That opinion is old fashioned and wrong. In the times of Second World War nearly all the jobs which needed physical endurance were getting done by the women in the USA and also in the USSR- before the Soviet Union had collapsed, even the mining operations were getting done by the women. Another example in the same kind of situation is about the textile business. In the 19th century, the labour force in textile works was dominated by the men but today women have outnumbered men in that area.
Other tan this opinion, some people believe that the man can't do the jobs which need gentleness. This idea is also wrong. The best example of the wrongness of this idea is kindergarten teachers and nurses. In the seventies and eighties, there were nearly no male kindergarten teachers or nurses, even in the well-developed countries like USA or Canada but after nineties men started to work as kindergarten teachers or nurses. Today, even in the developing countries like Turkey or Mexico you can see many male kindergarten teachers or nurses. In the republic of Ireland, a man who is a former tax lawyer is trying to be Olympic synchronised swimmer and that shows us the gender is not an issue about doing a job.
As a conclusion, in today’s world women and men can capable of doing any jobs. Excluding a male or a female from a certain profession because of his or her gender doesn't have any logical reason. Believing a gender is not a suitable for a certain job is just an out fashioned thought. There is no limitation for the men and women in the job market except prejudice.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Redundant phrase Original: some certain jobs Suggested revision: certain jobs Why it matters: Some and certain repeat the same idea.
- 2. General plural Original: the males Suggested revision: men Why it matters: Men is more natural when discussing a group generally.
- 3. Uncountable phrase Original: a very little area Suggested revision: very little space Why it matters: Space in the job market is uncountable in this meaning.
- 4. Wrong word Original: waste amount of labour force Suggested revision: a vast amount of labour Why it matters: Waste is incorrect; vast means very large.
- 5. Clause grammar Original: Because of a certain number of men was Suggested revision: Because a large number of men were Why it matters: The plural subject needs were, and because of should be followed by a noun phrase.
- 6. Fragment Original: Especially in the USA. Suggested revision: This happened especially in the USA. Why it matters: The original is a sentence fragment.
- 7. Relative word Original: the first time which Suggested revision: the first time that Why it matters: Use that for this structure.
- 8. Past tense Original: female workers show Suggested revision: female workers showed Why it matters: The historical event is in the past.
- 9. Comparison preposition Original: do the same job with male workers Suggested revision: do the same jobs as male workers Why it matters: The correct comparison uses as.
- 10. Time phrase Original: After the following years Suggested revision: In the following years Why it matters: This is the natural time linker.
- 11. Passive form Original: if they have given opportunities Suggested revision: if they are given opportunities Why it matters: The passive present form needs are given.
- 12. Wrong phrase Original: according to men Suggested revision: compared with men Why it matters: According to means based on what someone says, not comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- some certain jobs certain jobs
- the males men
- a very little area very little space
- waste amount of labour force a vast amount of labour
- Because of a certain number of men was Because a large number of men were
- Especially in the USA. This happened especially in the USA.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a clear disagreement and supports it with several historical and workplace examples. The argument is relevant, though some examples are overextended or not fully accurate.
Use fewer examples and explain more directly how they prove that job suitability should not be based on gender.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and progression is mostly logical, but some paragraphs contain fragments and the historical sequence is occasionally confusing.
Make each paragraph begin with a direct claim, then use one concise example to support it.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary range is adequate and topic-related, but word choice errors are frequent, including waste amount, according to men, other tan, and out fashioned.
Use precise gender and employment vocabulary such as equal opportunity, physical strength, caring professions, and outdated prejudice.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammatical errors occur in articles, tense, passive forms, relative clauses, and modal structures, though the overall message remains clear.
Revise verb forms after can, relative clauses with which/that, and article use before general plural nouns.