Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is understandable that some people believe that the physical and genetic differences between men and women equip them for different activities and skills. However, in today’s scenario both men and women are working shoulder to shoulder in all jobs. Men are successfully working in caring jobs such as nursing and teaching and women are proving their mettle in the army and police force. Therefore, I disagree with the above notion.
Because women have babies, they have traditionally worked in the home in most cultures. In addition, employed women have tended to dominate the so-called ‘caring professions’ such as teaching, nursing or social work, and this has reinforced the idea that women are particularly suited to such jobs.
However, as more and more women in different countries get jobs outside the home, it is clear that they are able to perform jobs that were traditionally only held by men. With high levels of education, even the highest positions in science, politics or law, for example, can be held successfully by women. Therefore, those who claim that the sexes can do the same jobs equally seem to have a good point, especially in terms of intellectual work.
There is also increasing scientific evidence that individual differences between people may be more important than gender differences. In other words, some women may be physically stronger than some men, while some male individuals may be more sensitive, or more caring than some women.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that in the modern world individual men and women can be trained to develop similar abilities. Differences in aptitude and talents are greater at the individual level than at the gender level.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: in today’s scenario Suggested revision: in modern society Why it matters: This phrase is more natural and precise in formal academic writing.
- 2. Improve parallel phrasing Original: the army and police force Suggested revision: the armed forces and the police Why it matters: This replacement uses conventional and parallel names for the two services.
- 3. Use formal wording Original: Because women have babies Suggested revision: Because women bear children Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same idea in a more formal register.
- 4. Clarify employment pattern Original: dominate the so-called ‘caring professions’ Suggested revision: be concentrated in the so-called ‘caring professions’ Why it matters: Being concentrated in a field describes employment patterns more accurately than dominating it.
- 5. Place adverb precisely Original: jobs that were traditionally only held by men Suggested revision: jobs that were traditionally held only by men Why it matters: Placing only before the agent makes its scope clear.
- 6. Complete the comparison Original: do the same jobs equally Suggested revision: perform the same jobs equally well Why it matters: Equally needs well to describe how successfully the jobs are performed.
- 7. Use concise wording Original: some male individuals Suggested revision: some men Why it matters: The shorter expression is natural and retains the intended comparison.
- 8. Fix awkward expression Original: I pen down saying that Suggested revision: I maintain that Why it matters: The original expression is not idiomatic in this context.
- 9. Match noun forms Original: aptitude Suggested revision: aptitudes Why it matters: Using two plural count nouns creates a grammatically parallel pairing.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: With high levels of education, even the highest positions in science, politics or law, for example, can be held successfully by women. Suggested revision: With high levels of education, women can successfully hold even the highest positions in science, politics or law. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the dangling introductory phrase by making women its grammatical subject.
Suggested Rewrites
- in today’s scenario in modern society
- the army and police force the armed forces and the police
- Because women have babies Because women bear children
- dominate the so-called ‘caring professions’ be concentrated in the so-called ‘caring professions’
- jobs that were traditionally only held by men jobs that were traditionally held only by men
- do the same jobs equally perform the same jobs equally well
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, consistent disagreement and supports it with relevant discussion of changing workplace roles and individual differences. Its main limitation is that several ideas remain broad or asserted rather than being fully illustrated, while a few formulaic or awkward expressions reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each main claim with a specific, carefully explained example and use more natural academic phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained throughout, with relevant reasons addressing why jobs should not be allocated by gender.
Develop the claims about workplace capability and individual differences with specific evidence or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-defined paragraphs, and linking generally makes the argument easy to follow.
Strengthen the connection between the discussion of traditional roles and the central disagreement to avoid a partially descriptive paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, although expressions such as 'today's scenario' and 'I pen down saying' are unnatural.
Replace memorised or idiomatic-sounding phrases with precise, natural academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is used with generally good control, and errors rarely affect clarity.
Refine punctuation and article use in longer sentences to make grammatical control more consistently accurate.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.