Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Which one do you agree with? Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
There is a great shift in people's lifestyle over the last few years. These days they involve themselves in hectic work routine and have very less time for leisure activities. However, leisure time is essential to ease tension and to get refreshed and energetic. Some people argue that leisure time can be utilised efficiently by doing mind booster type activities. Others state that after busier schedule, one should relax their mind. I believe that leisure time provides us opportunities to further enhance our knowledge and mind.
Activities like reading, playing puzzle games etc. are the best use of spending leisure time. One cannot deny about the numerous benefits of reading. All the scientists and scholars used to read books in their leisure time. It not only increased our knowledge bur also enable us to draw our own observation under the light of reading materials. Furthermore puzzle games contribute a lot in making mind sharp and efficient.
Nowadays, the lifestyle of people has dramatically changed because of the economic crisis and recession. People get involve in multiple jobs in order to earn their living. So it is mandatory to have peace and rest of mind by doing activities such as listening music, watching television and doing physical activities. It will help them in easing tension and make them energetic for their future work.
In conclusion, I would like to say that constructive activities in leisure time could contribute immense benefits to us. By doing these activities one can gain plenty of knowledge which would definitely help them in their coming life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Less versus little Original: very less time Suggested revision: very little time Why it matters: Very little time is the correct expression for a small amount of time.
- 2. Unnatural phrase Original: mind booster type activities Suggested revision: mentally stimulating activities Why it matters: Mentally stimulating activities is more formal and natural.
- 3. Spelling and agreement Original: bur also enable Suggested revision: but also enables Why it matters: Bur is a spelling error, and the subject It takes enables.
- 4. Verb form Original: People get involve Suggested revision: People get involved Why it matters: The adjective form involved is needed after get.
- 5. Preposition needed Original: listening music Suggested revision: listening to music Why it matters: Listen requires the preposition to before the object.
- 6. Article needed Original: in hectic work routine Suggested revision: in a hectic work routine Why it matters: Routine is singular and countable here, so it needs an article.
- 7. Natural phrase Original: get refreshed and energetic Suggested revision: feel refreshed and energetic Why it matters: Feel refreshed is the natural collocation.
- 8. Article and adjective Original: after busier schedule Suggested revision: after a busy schedule Why it matters: Use an article and the base adjective busy.
- 9. Preposition needed Original: provides us opportunities Suggested revision: provides us with opportunities Why it matters: Provide someone with something is the correct pattern.
- 10. Comma before etc. Original: playing puzzle games etc. Suggested revision: playing puzzle games, etc. Why it matters: Add a comma before etc. in a list.
- 11. Verb pattern Original: deny about the numerous benefits Suggested revision: deny the numerous benefits Why it matters: Deny takes a direct object, without about.
- 12. Tense consistency Original: increased our knowledge Suggested revision: increases our knowledge Why it matters: The paragraph discusses general benefits, so present simple is better.
Suggested Rewrites
- very less time very little time
- mind booster type activities mentally stimulating activities
- bur also enable but also enables
- People get involve People get involved
- listening music listening to music
- in hectic work routine in a hectic work routine
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses both using leisure time for mental improvement and resting the mind, and it gives a clear opinion in favour of constructive activities. Development is relevant but somewhat general, especially in the paragraph about mental activities.
Give more concrete examples of how reading or puzzles improve the mind, and explain why these benefits outweigh simple relaxation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and the essay progresses from introduction to two views and conclusion. Cohesion is understandable, but some links are basic and the conclusion repeats the opinion without adding a strong final reason.
Use clearer comparative linking between the two views, especially when moving from mental activities to rest.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant but sometimes limited and inaccurate. Phrases such as mind booster type activities, bur, rest of mind, and coming life reduce naturalness.
Use more natural phrases such as mentally stimulating activities, cognitive skills, mental rest, relieve stress, and future life.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses some complex structures, but frequent errors in comparatives, verb agreement, prepositions, and articles affect accuracy. Meaning is mostly clear despite these errors.
Focus on basic accuracy: fewer/less, subject-verb agreement, verb forms after help, and prepositions after listening and contribute.