Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Which one do you agree with? Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Nowadays people are divided on the issue how to utilise leisure time effectively. One line of thought believes there should be mind-twisting activities to develop mind but on the other hand, there are those who affirm with this notion that it is better to rest.I am partial accord with this ideology. In following paragraphs, I will shed light on arguments to supporting my views.
To launch into the topic, as according to some people rest is necessary to keep our mind fresh and healthy and up to some extent it is right. Giving rest to mind revitalise it, helps to think better. Moreover, as our body is not a machine, so respite is mandatory. 24 hours use of mind can cause stress and many types of health maladies. So up to some extent,it is mandatory to take a respite for some time.
On the flip side, in the modern era, cut throat competition is going on in every domain, so developed minds can attain success. So these types of activities play a pivotal role in life. Activates like reading books can also play a role in broadening our knowledge, which will be helpful in later life. It can open new vistas of employment and opportunity. By solving puzzles and playing brain games, it escalates creative power of our mind, a level of thinking also develop in an effective manner.
At the end of the discussion, after analysing of arguments, both sides have their reasons for their arguments. Rests, as well as the development activities, are both are equally important. At last, I am in favour of both of these. I would suggest a good balance of taking rest and engaging in mind enhancing activities in leisure time for any individual.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Missing preposition Original: on the issue how Suggested revision: on the issue of how Why it matters: The phrase requires of before how.
- 2. Wrong phrase Original: mind-twisting activities Suggested revision: mentally stimulating activities Why it matters: Mind-twisting is not natural for reading or puzzles.
- 3. Missing article Original: to develop mind Suggested revision: to develop the mind Why it matters: The noun mind needs the article here.
- 4. Wrong collocation Original: affirm with this notion Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: Argue is clearer and more natural.
- 5. Missing space Original: rest.I am Suggested revision: rest. I am Why it matters: A space is needed after the full stop.
- 6. Missing article Original: In following paragraphs Suggested revision: In the following paragraphs Why it matters: The phrase needs the article the.
- 7. Verb form Original: arguments to supporting my views Suggested revision: arguments supporting my view Why it matters: Use the -ing form directly after arguments.
- 8. Formulaic linker Original: To launch into the topic Suggested revision: First, Why it matters: A simple linker is more natural and concise.
- 9. Agreement and article Original: Giving rest to mind revitalise it Suggested revision: Giving the mind rest revitalises it Why it matters: The subject is singular, so use revitalises, and mind needs the article.
- 10. Unnatural phrase Original: health maladies Suggested revision: health problems Why it matters: Health problems is more natural and less inflated.
- 11. Missing space Original: extent,it Suggested revision: extent, it Why it matters: A space is needed after the comma.
- 12. Wrong word Original: Activates like reading books Suggested revision: Activities like reading books Why it matters: Activates is a verb form, not the noun needed here.
Suggested Rewrites
- on the issue how on the issue of how
- mind-twisting activities mentally stimulating activities
- to develop mind to develop the mind
- affirm with this notion argue
- rest.I am rest. I am
- In following paragraphs In the following paragraphs
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay discusses both resting the mind and doing mind-improving activities and gives a balanced opinion, but the position is unclear in the introduction and support is general.
State clearly that you prefer a balance, then give one specific reason and example for rest and one for active mental development.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is paragraphed and the two views are separated, but linking is formulaic and some sentences are fragments or poorly connected.
Use simpler topic sentences and make each paragraph develop one view before comparing them in the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary attempts to be varied, but many phrases are memorised, unnatural, or inaccurate, such as mind-twisting, respite, and escalates creative power.
Use natural topic vocabulary such as leisure time, mental rest, concentration, reading, puzzles, creativity, and mental health.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar errors in articles, verb forms, punctuation, and sentence structure reduce control, though the message is usually understandable.
Write shorter sentences and check subject-verb agreement, especially with rest, activities, and mind.