In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?
Sample Response
The practice of using mobile phone banking to make payments has gained popularity. This strategy has its pros and cons, but in my opinion, the advantages exceed the disadvantages. I’ll go into greater depth about the reasons in the following paragraphs.
First and foremost, convenience is undoubtedly a major benefit of making payments online. As long as there is an Internet connection, it is indisputable that this payment method can be used anytime, anyplace, and with only a few easy taps on the issuers’ smartphones. Put it in another way, it simplifies the payment process, allowing customers and businesses to save time and make purchases more quickly. In addition, the security aspect is responsible for the widespread use of e-transactions. Many mobile apps use advanced security measures, such biometric authentication, and encryption to safeguard users’ financial data and lower the possibility of financial fraud. As a result, a lot of customers think that using an online payment method offers them more security and comfort than using credit or cash.
However, accessibility is a major drawback of cashless payment methods. Recognising that not everyone has access to smartphones or dependable Internet connectivity is crucial, especially in remote or underdeveloped areas. Because of this, relying only on online payment may exclude people who cannot afford to use these technologies, hence widening the socioeconomic divide.
In summary, although using smartphone apps to make payments offers several advantages in terms of security and convenience, there are significant accessibility-related disadvantages associated with this trend. How users, companies, regulators, and technology providers handle the drawbacks and optimize the benefits will determine how effective this strategy is overall. (269 words)
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate reference Original: strategy Suggested revision: method Why it matters: A payment practice is a method rather than a strategy in this context.
- 2. Use standard comparison Original: exceed Suggested revision: outweigh Why it matters: 'Outweigh' is the standard verb for comparing advantages with disadvantages.
- 3. Avoid absolute claim Original: it is indisputable that Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This absolute framing is unnecessary because the sentence already states the condition for using the method.
- 4. Use formal wording Original: anyplace Suggested revision: anywhere Why it matters: 'Anywhere' is the more natural choice in formal written English.
- 5. Correct user reference Original: issuers Suggested revision: users Why it matters: The people making the taps are the app users, not the issuers.
- 6. Correct linking phrase Original: Put it in another way Suggested revision: Put another way Why it matters: 'Put another way' is the fixed expression used to restate an idea.
- 7. Use concise noun Original: the security aspect Suggested revision: security Why it matters: The word 'aspect' adds vagueness without changing the intended meaning.
- 8. Correct example structure Original: such biometric authentication, and encryption Suggested revision: such as biometric authentication and encryption Why it matters: The example marker requires 'such as', and no comma is needed between the two coordinated measures.
- 9. Improve risk collocation Original: lower the possibility of financial fraud Suggested revision: reduce the risk of financial fraud Why it matters: 'Reduce the risk' is the natural collocation for decreasing the likelihood of fraud.
- 10. Use formal quantifier Original: a lot of customers Suggested revision: many customers Why it matters: 'Many' is more concise and appropriate for a formal essay.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Recognising that not everyone has access to smartphones or dependable Internet connectivity is crucial, especially in remote or underdeveloped areas. Suggested revision: Not everyone has access to smartphones or dependable Internet connectivity, especially in remote or underdeveloped areas. Why it matters: The rewrite states the limitation directly and removes the unnecessary evaluative gerund clause.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: How users, companies, regulators, and technology providers handle the drawbacks and optimize the benefits will determine how effective this strategy is overall. Suggested revision: The overall effectiveness of this payment method will depend on how users, companies, regulators, and technology providers manage its drawbacks and maximize its benefits. Why it matters: The rewrite improves the clause structure and uses more natural verb-noun combinations.
Suggested Rewrites
- strategy method
- exceed outweigh
- it is indisputable that Delete
- anyplace anywhere
- issuers users
- Put it in another way Put another way
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear comparative position and develops relevant advantages and a disadvantage in a well-organised argument. Its main limitation is some loss of precision in phrasing, alongside a conclusion that becomes more qualified than the firm position stated initially. The highest-priority improvement is to preserve the explicit advantages-outweigh-disadvantages judgement through the conclusion and support that comparison with a sharper weighing of impact.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question, develops relevant benefits and a drawback, and maintains a generally clear comparative position.
Make the final judgement explicitly explain why the benefits of convenience and security outweigh the accessibility disadvantage.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced in well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used effectively to signal the argument's stages.
Make the transition from weighing the two sides to the final conclusion more explicit so the comparative judgement remains prominent.
Lexical Resource
A broad and appropriate vocabulary conveys the argument precisely overall, although a few awkward collocations and word choices reduce naturalness.
Refine combinations such as put another way, app users' phones, and greater security than cash or cards.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex sentences with good control, while occasional article, preposition, and punctuation errors remain noticeable but non-impeding.
Check fixed grammatical patterns and list punctuation, particularly such as plus a noun phrase and commas around paired items.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.