In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?
Sample Response
Payment apps are getting more and more common in many nations across the world. This essay explains why people’s occasional technical troubles are not as detrimental as they may be given the benefits of this occurrence, which include convenience and safety.
To begin with, people find it more convenient to use bank applications rather than actual cash. For instance, a lot of people no longer carry cash because they might require more than they have on hand. Therefore, they have more freedom to spend the money they need or want when they choose to use paid apps. Additionally, using phone apps is safer. This is because cash or cards can be lost or stolen, but these applications have security built in case they fall into the wrong hands. For example, Apple Pay uses biometric authentication, adding an extra layer of security to transactions, thereby reducing the risk of fraud.
Nevertheless, there is a drawback to making mobile applications your primary mode of payment, which is the lack of internet access. Officers typically advise travelers to bring some cash in case their phones’ batteries die or their mobile data runs out. On such occasions, people would find themselves in a foreign nation without any financial means, which could lead to significant problems and a waste of time.
In conclusion, the benefits of utilising bank applications for payments, such as their practicality and security, far exceed the drawbacks of occasionally experiencing technical issues with internet connections or running out of battery life. These problems can also be resolved by searching for locations with free wifi and portable chargers. (266 words)
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: more and more common Suggested revision: increasingly common Why it matters: The replacement is more concise and suitably formal.
- 2. Remove redundancy Original: actual cash Suggested revision: cash Why it matters: 'Cash' already distinguishes physical money from app-based payment.
- 3. Use correct term Original: paid Suggested revision: payment Why it matters: 'Paid apps' usually means apps that cost money, rather than apps used for payment.
- 4. Keep pronouns consistent Original: your Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The essay otherwise discusses people in the third person.
- 5. Use natural structure Original: their mobile data runs out Suggested revision: they run out of mobile data Why it matters: People run out of a data allowance; the data itself does not literally run.
- 6. Clarify intended meaning Original: without any financial means Suggested revision: without any means of payment Why it matters: 'Financial means' suggests overall wealth rather than access to a payment method.
- 7. Clarify paired solutions Original: searching for locations with free wifi and portable chargers Suggested revision: finding free Wi-Fi or portable charging facilities Why it matters: The replacement coordinates two distinct practical solutions clearly.
- 8. Remove word-count note Original: (266 words) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The parenthetical count is not part of the essay's argument and should be omitted.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: This essay explains why people’s occasional technical troubles are not as detrimental as they may be given the benefits of this occurrence, which include convenience and safety. Suggested revision: This essay argues that the convenience and safety of payment apps outweigh their occasional technical drawbacks. Why it matters: The rewrite states the comparison directly and removes the awkward reference to 'this occurrence'.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: For instance, a lot of people no longer carry cash because they might require more than they have on hand. Suggested revision: For instance, many people avoid carrying cash because they may need to spend more than the amount they have with them. Why it matters: The rewrite makes the cause-and-effect link explicit while preserving the example.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: This is because cash or cards can be lost or stolen, but these applications have security built in case they fall into the wrong hands. Suggested revision: This is because cash or cards can be lost or stolen, whereas payment applications include security features that protect them from unauthorised use. Why it matters: The original has an unclear pronoun reference and an incomplete phrase after 'security'.
Suggested Rewrites
- more and more common increasingly common
- actual cash cash
- paid payment
- your their
- their mobile data runs out they run out of mobile data
- without any financial means without any means of payment
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear, consistent position and well-organised comparison of convenience and security against occasional technical disruption. The main limitation is that some supporting claims are simplified or imprecisely expressed, particularly the convenience argument and the treatment of internet access and battery failure as one issue. The priority is to develop each reason with sharper causal explanation and more exact word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed with a clear position, relevant advantages and a disadvantage, although some supporting explanations lack depth or precision.
Develop the convenience argument more convincingly and distinguish separate technical drawbacks before weighing them against the benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into focused paragraphs, with clear progression and generally effective cohesive devices.
Strengthen the internal progression of the advantage paragraph so each example directly proves the claim it follows.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific vocabulary conveys the argument clearly, despite occasional imprecise choices such as paid apps and officers.
Use exact terms such as payment apps, travel authorities, and connectivity problems to make the argument more natural and precise.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are handled with good control, and errors are infrequent and do not impede meaning.
Refine a few awkward clause relationships and pronoun references so long sentences remain fully natural and unambiguous.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.