Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Many believe that music is an effective means of strengthening the bond between people from different cultural backgrounds and generations. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly agree with this point of view.
To begin with, music has an exceptional ability to evoke a wide range of feelings of the listeners such as sadness, anger, and happiness regardless of their country of origin. Although it is true that the lyrics of a song might be incomprehensible due to the language barrier, its melody is linguistically neutral. In fact, in order to feel the melody of a song, the listener does not need to fully understand the language in which the song is written. For example, a Vietnamese may fall in love with a Korean pop song or a Japanese may shed tears while listening to a melancholic piece of music written by an American musician. This is a clear evidence that shows music is a universal language that transcends all cultural boundaries.
In addition, music is a common ground for people to understand each other better irrespective of their age. Nowadays, it is not surprising to see young individuals are fond of the nostalgic feel of a song released years ago, and likewise, modern music genres such as hip-hop, rap, and techno are also becoming increasingly popular amongst older people. For instance, it is commonplace to see a family of different generations gathered together in a karaoke room, singing and dancing to the same song with much joy.
In conclusion, music is an important part of people’s lives and it can also act as a powerful means of uniting people of different cultures and ages
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct preposition Original: feelings of the listeners Suggested revision: feelings in listeners Why it matters: Music evokes feelings in listeners rather than feelings of them.
- 2. Clarify distributed reference Original: regardless of their country of origin Suggested revision: regardless of where they come from Why it matters: This phrasing avoids an awkward singular reference after the plural noun 'listeners.'
- 3. Use appropriate article Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The barrier is introduced as one possible obstacle, so the indefinite article is more natural.
- 4. Use precise verb Original: feel Suggested revision: appreciate Why it matters: 'Appreciate' more precisely expresses responding to music without understanding its lyrics.
- 5. Use musical collocation Original: written Suggested revision: composed Why it matters: Music is conventionally described as being 'composed' by a musician.
- 6. Remove incorrect article Original: a clear evidence Suggested revision: clear evidence Why it matters: 'Evidence' is uncountable and cannot take the article 'a.'
- 7. Correct collocation Original: music is a common ground Suggested revision: music provides common ground Why it matters: The natural collocation is that something 'provides common ground.'
- 8. Add complementizer Original: to see young individuals are fond Suggested revision: to see that young individuals are fond Why it matters: 'That' is needed to introduce the finite clause after 'see' in this construction.
- 9. Clarify contrast Original: and likewise Suggested revision: while Why it matters: 'While' makes the contrast between younger and older listeners explicit without redundant linking.
- 10. Clarify family reference Original: a family of different generations Suggested revision: family members from different generations Why it matters: People, rather than a family as a unit, belong to different generations.
- 11. Add final punctuation Original: different cultures and ages Suggested revision: different cultures and ages. Why it matters: The concluding sentence requires a final full stop.
Suggested Rewrites
- feelings of the listeners feelings in listeners
- regardless of their country of origin regardless of where they come from
- the a
- feel appreciate
- written composed
- a clear evidence clear evidence
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear position and develops two focused, persuasive arguments with well-chosen cross-cultural and intergenerational examples. Its principal limitation is a small number of awkward grammatical constructions and collocations that interrupt an otherwise fluent academic style. The best improvement would be to proofread sentence patterns and noun phrases carefully so that the language matches the strength and precision of the ideas.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is explicit throughout, and both cultural and age dimensions are fully addressed with relevant explanation and examples.
Add a little more evaluation of how shared musical experiences create lasting social connection to deepen an already complete response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used clearly and unobtrusively overall.
Reduce minor repetition between adjacent explanations so that each sentence contributes a distinct step to the argument.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and appropriately academic, with only occasional awkward combinations such as feelings of the listeners and a clear evidence.
Refine article use and collocations in a final lexical check, for example evidence rather than a clear evidence.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, though a few errors occur in complementation and noun-phrase construction.
Correct patterns such as see young individuals being fond of or see that young individuals are fond of during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.