Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Music can stimulate our minds and bodies and also offer temporary reliefsome temporary relief from mental distressmental agony and sadness. Music can probably doMusic probably can do many other things, but it can not bring people of different cultures and ages together. This essay will explain why we can not rely on music to accomplish such a difficult task.
Music has some elements and qualities to bring some like-minded people within, not outside of a certain culture, country or nation closer together in a common bond because the tone and tune of that music sound so familiar to them. Many music lovers even suggest that music is the food for theour soul, regardless of ageregardless of our age. That may be trueTrue that may be, but when we pin our hopeswe are pinning our hopes on music to unite people of different cultures and ages, we are becoming overly optimistictoo much optimistic, to say the least, because culture is a complex conceptculture is a very difficult subject to understand as is human natureand so is “human nature”.
Culture is not only about what we like to listen to, or what we do not for some temporary pleasure or gratification. Rather, culture, among other things, is also largely aboutvery predominantly is also about how dissimilar we are from one another“how we are so dissimilar to each other”, and it is essentially this desire or sentimentthis “wish” or “sentiment” that helps us cling to our own ways of life, even if those ways appear unusual to other culturesno matter how “peculiar” or “weird” that may look to other cultures. It is because of this strong “sentiment” that even though, almost all the countries in the continent of South America essentially speak the same language or practice the same religion, they are not merged into only one country. The same applies to different age groupsThe same applies to different ages as well, and that is why we see, more often than not, that while a young personguy likes heavy rock or heavy metal musicsome heavy rock or heavy metal music, an older person likes more traditional or classical musica more traditional or classic type of music.
So, from the discussion above, it should be fairly clear to us that music is important in our livesmusic is important for our life, but it is not a good way to bring people of different cultures or ages together.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, consistently maintained disagreement, supported by thoughtful discussion of cultural attachment and generational musical preferences. Its main limitation is that the South American example confuses bringing people together with merging political identities and therefore does not convincingly prove the central claim; the highest-priority improvement is to use direct evidence about cross-cultural and intergenerational interaction and engage with plausible counterexamples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position and develops relevant ideas about cultural difference and age preferences, but a central example does not logically support the claim.
Explain why shared musical experiences fail to create social connection, using evidence directly related to concerts, communities, or intergenerational participation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly from the position through cultural and age-based reasoning to a concise conclusion, with appropriate paragraphing.
Separate the cultural and generational arguments more distinctly so each example supports one clearly defined line of reasoning.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficiently broad and sometimes sophisticated vocabulary, though several expressions are awkward or overstated.
Refine phrases such as “too optimistic,” “bring like-minded people closer,” and “classical music” for more natural precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with generally good control, although some long sentences and misplaced modifiers reduce fluency.
Break the longest culture paragraph into more controlled sentences and review comma placement around subordinate clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.