Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Music plays a crucial role in our lives and eliminates differences among various cultures and generations. It symbolises harmony and reflects humanity. So, I agree with the notion that music helps bring people from various cultures and generations together. One of the reasons music excretes barriers among different nations and cultures is that people enjoy music from every part of the world, and it speaks the same language, which embodies human emotion, joy, love and sorrow. Music does not need interpretation to be enjoyed and understood as it touches our hearts and resonates in our minds. No matter what language we speak or understand, we appreciate the melody and depth of music which is why people of all ages can sit together and enjoy the same music. For instance, some viral music in foreign languages in our country signifies how it speaks our minds and hearts rather than just a human language. Moreover, nations influence each other with the type of music they produce and the type of musical instruments they use. This amalgamation reduces cultural differences and brings people from different cultures and ages to a common platform. To cite an example, many music genres, that we enjoy these days, were derived from multiple nations and cultures and people from all these cultures enjoy and love them. Finally, music is an art form which is enjoyed by all, and this helps reduce the generation and age gaps among people. To illustrate, when the national anthem is played, children, adults and elders all tune in to the same emotion, which is patriotism, and their unity is stronger than ever. The same can be said when music evokes other emotions like love, sadness and so on. Besides, some music categories are loved by all, and the listeners feel a sense of togetherness in a divine way which is almost absent in other art forms. It not only eliminates age gaps but also generation and cultural gaps. In conclusion, music, as a universally accepted and supreme art form, enriches our lives and strengthens the connections between us, regardless of our backgrounds, culture and age.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid an absolute claim Original: eliminates Suggested revision: bridges Why it matters: ‘Bridges’ conveys connection without claiming that all differences disappear.
- 2. Use formal linkage Original: So, I agree Suggested revision: I therefore agree Why it matters: ‘Therefore’ links the position to the preceding statements in a more formal way.
- 3. Correct the verb Original: excretes Suggested revision: removes Why it matters: ‘Excretes’ refers to discharging waste and does not express overcoming barriers.
- 4. Clarify the metaphor Original: it speaks the same language Suggested revision: music speaks a universal language Why it matters: The revision gives the pronoun a clear referent and expresses the intended metaphor naturally.
- 5. Fix the modifier Original: which embodies human emotion, joy, love and sorrow Suggested revision: expressing emotions such as joy, love, and sorrow Why it matters: The participial phrase clearly modifies music and avoids treating joy, love, and sorrow as separate from emotion.
- 6. Separate the result clause Original: music which is why Suggested revision: music, which is why Why it matters: A comma is needed before the non-defining clause that explains the result.
- 7. Use a countable noun Original: some viral music Suggested revision: some widely shared songs Why it matters: ‘Songs’ provides a clear countable noun, while ‘widely shared’ is more precise than ‘viral’.
- 8. Clarify the expression Original: signifies how it speaks our minds and hearts Suggested revision: shows how music speaks to our minds and hearts Why it matters: The original phrase uses ‘signifies’ and ‘speaks’ in unnatural constructions.
- 9. Make the contrast clear Original: rather than just a human language Suggested revision: beyond the limits of any one language Why it matters: The revision clearly expresses that music can communicate across language boundaries.
- 10. Use the right preposition Original: with the type of music Suggested revision: through the kinds of music Why it matters: ‘Through’ identifies the means of influence, and ‘kinds’ allows for multiple forms.
- 11. Remove repetitive wording Original: the type of musical instruments Suggested revision: the musical instruments Why it matters: The second use of ‘the type of’ is unnecessary and repetitive.
- 12. Use the natural idiom Original: to a common platform Suggested revision: together on common ground Why it matters: ‘Common ground’ is the natural expression for shared understanding or connection.
Suggested Rewrites
- eliminates bridges
- So, I agree I therefore agree
- excretes removes
- it speaks the same language music speaks a universal language
- which embodies human emotion, joy, love and sorrow expressing emotions such as joy, love, and sorrow
- music which is why music, which is why
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response states a firm position and develops several relevant ways music can unite cultures and generations, supported by concrete examples and a broad grammatical range. Its main limitation is presentation as one dense block, alongside repetition and some conspicuously inaccurate word choices that weaken precision. The priority is to separate the main reasons into clear paragraphs and edit vocabulary for exact, natural meaning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay fully addresses the opinion, sustains clear agreement, and develops several relevant explanations and examples.
Reduce repetition by selecting fewer reasons and extending each one with more precise analysis of how shared musical experiences create connection.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a discernible sequence through signposted reasons, but the absence of paragraph divisions creates a dense and less manageable progression.
Divide the response into an introduction, separate body paragraphs for cultural and generational unity, and a conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and sometimes sophisticated, but inaccurate choices and repeated wording reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace misused expressions such as “excretes barriers” and “tune in to the same emotion” with accurate, idiomatic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is generally controlled, with errors remaining occasional and meaning consistently clear.
Refine punctuation and agreement in long sentences, especially around relative clauses and coordinated lists.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.