Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Music is an art form that is enjoyed by people of all ages and cultures from all around the world. Some people believe that music is a powerful tool for bringing people of different cultures and ages together. In this essay, I will assert that music has the ability to unite people and promote cross-cultural understanding and explain why music can do such a profound task so easily.
Music has a universal language that transcends linguistic and cultural barriers. Regardless of their background, people can appreciate music for its emotional and artistic value. For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, musicians around the world came together to create virtual performances that brought people together and provided solace during difficult times. Similarly, music festivals, such as Glastonbury in the UK, bring people from all walks of life together for a shared experience of music and culture.
Moreover, music has the power to promote cross-cultural understanding and acceptance. Through exposure to different musical genres and traditions, people can gain a deeper appreciation for other cultures and ways of life. For instance, in the 1960s, the Beatles' incorporation of Indian classical music into their work helped to popularize and promote Indian music and culture in the West. This in turn led to a greater understanding and appreciation of Indian culture among Western audiences.
In conclusion, music has the ability to bring people of different cultures and ages together by transcending linguistic and cultural barriers and promoting cross-cultural understanding. It is expected that this powerful media would be used to unite the world and eliminate our differences.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the grouping Original: all ages and cultures Suggested revision: all ages and cultural backgrounds Why it matters: People have cultural backgrounds, so the replacement makes the parallel grouping more precise.
- 2. Remove redundancy Original: from all around the world Suggested revision: around the world Why it matters: “Around the world” already expresses the global scope, making “from all around” unnecessarily wordy.
- 3. Refine the metaphor Original: Music has a universal language Suggested revision: Music functions as a universal language Why it matters: The replacement expresses the metaphor more naturally and precisely.
- 4. Avoid repeated wording Original: around the world came together Suggested revision: from around the world collaborated Why it matters: “Collaborated” avoids repeating “together” while preserving the idea of joint work.
- 5. Make the phrase concise Original: a shared experience of music and culture Suggested revision: a shared musical and cultural experience Why it matters: The adjective forms create a more concise and natural expression.
- 6. Set off the linker Original: This in turn Suggested revision: This, in turn, Why it matters: The linking phrase “in turn” should be enclosed by commas in this position.
- 7. Use the singular noun Original: media Suggested revision: medium Why it matters: “Medium” is the singular form required after the singular determiner “this.”
- 8. Choose a suitable modal Original: would Suggested revision: can Why it matters: “Can” expresses the present potential of music without requiring a hypothetical condition.
- 9. Use a measured claim Original: eliminate Suggested revision: bridge Why it matters: “Bridge” better conveys bringing different groups together without suggesting that differences disappear.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: In this essay, I will assert that music has the ability to unite people and promote cross-cultural understanding and explain why music can do such a profound task so easily. Suggested revision: Music can unite people and promote cross-cultural understanding, and this essay will explain how it achieves these effects. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the awkward coordination and expresses the essay's purpose more clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- all ages and cultures all ages and cultural backgrounds
- from all around the world around the world
- Music has a universal language Music functions as a universal language
- around the world came together from around the world collaborated
- a shared experience of music and culture a shared musical and cultural experience
- This in turn This, in turn,
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear position and develops its case with relevant, specific examples, while its organisation and language make the argument easy to follow. The main limitation is that cultural unity is explored much more fully than unity across age groups, leaving part of the claim comparatively underdeveloped. The best improvement would be to add a distinct explanation and example showing how music creates meaningful interaction between generations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and well supported on cross-cultural unity, but the age-group dimension receives little direct development.
Add a specific example of intergenerational participation in music and explain how it brings younger and older people together.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced logically in focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly without obscuring progression.
Strengthen the link between the two body paragraphs by showing how shared experience leads to deeper cultural understanding.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and precise across the discussion, despite a few awkward choices such as 'profound task' and 'powerful media.'
Refine occasional collocations by using natural expressions such as 'achieve this effect' and 'powerful medium.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with consistently clear control and only minor local inaccuracies.
Check the final sentence for agreement and conditional accuracy, using 'medium' and a form that matches the intended future meaning.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.