Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In an era when the rate of juvenile crime is getting higher and higher. The question of whether teenagers should be punished in the same way as adultswhether the teenagers should be punished in the same way as the adults has sparked an intense debate. While some argue that this trend brings more drawbacks, I am firmly convinced that its merits far outweigh its drawbacksits demerits far outweigh its demerits. Some young people carry out terrible crimes and hurt other people seriously. If they only get lenient sentencessoft punishment, they will not realise their mistakesmistake. They may break the law again in the future. The same punishment can stop them from committing offenses and warn them ofstop them to do bad things and warning them the consequences of breaking the law. Moreover, this approach can also helpMoreover, This way also can help other young people to respect the law out of fear of legal repercussionsto be respect to law due to the fear of the breaking law. This can protect normal people' s safety in the community and make the public feel safein community and make public feel safe. Without serious punishment, many young people will ignore laws and hurt innocent people with impunitywithout worry. However, teenagers' mindsmind do not fully develop. They are easilyeasy influenced by their friends and online information. They cannot think about the negative consequencesbad result clearly. Most of them do not really understand how harmful their actions arehow harmful their action is. If we punish them like adults, they will lose the chance to become good peopleperson. Young people can change after education. Incarceration in adult prisonsStrict prison for adults may make them more violent instead of correcting their behaviour. Many young offenders just make errors in judgementmake stupid mistake and they still have the potential to becomehave possibility to be useful members of society. In concluaion, although serious crimescrime need strict punishment, we cannot treat all young criminals the same as adults. We should consider their age and mental development when determining appropriate sentencingwhen we make the decision.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay effectively explores both sides of punishing juvenile offenders like adults and offers relevant supporting points regarding deterrence and rehabilitation. However, the introduction features a contradictory thesis statement that obscures the candidate's initial position, and frequent grammatical errors weaken overall control. To improve, clearly state your overall position in the introduction and thoroughly proofread verb forms and sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the issue, though the introduction contains a contradictory statement about demerits that temporarily obscures the stance.
Ensure your thesis statement in the introduction directly and clearly articulates your personal position from the start.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized into paragraph blocks with clear main ideas and basic linking words throughout.
Improve cohesive flow by using a wider variety of transition markers and ensuring smooth conceptual links between sentences.
Lexical Resource
An adequate range of topic-specific vocabulary is used, though minor word choice errors and repetitions occur.
Focus on precise word forms and collocations, such as replacing 'be respect to' with 'show respect for'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
While a mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, frequent grammatical errors and sentence fragments affect precision.
Eliminate sentence fragments and eliminate subject-verb agreement errors through careful proofreading.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.