Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In an era when the crimecriminal rates among young people are increasing significantly, the question of whether the government should impose the same penalties as those for adults on younger individualsthe same penalties as adults on younger individuals has sparked an intense debate. From my perspective, juvenile delinquents should be punished with multiple measures, including imprisonment and voluntary work in the local communityin local community. Adults who commit crimes are more likely to be sentenced to prison. It is reasonable to punish young people whose actions harm societywho are detrimental to society severely with strict imprisonment. Sending them to prisons can help them reflect on their own consciencereflect their own conscience and realize their own errors since they are deprived of their freedomtheir freedom is deprived for a period of time. Besides, the deprivation of their freedom can deter them from committing crimes again and guarantee the security of people and their propertyproperties. There is no denying that it is impossible for prisoners to escape from prison to break the lawreoffend the laws. However, teenagers' minds are not fully developed. They are easily influenced by peers and online information, so they cannot clearly consider the negative consequences of their actionsacts. Most of them fail to recognise how harmful their behaviour can be. If they receive the same punishment as adult criminals, they will lose the opportunity to become law-abiding individuals. Young people are able to reform themselves through education. Harsh adult prisons may increase their aggression rather than reformreforming their conduct. Many juvenile offenders merely makecommit foolish mistakes, and they still have the potentialpossibility to become valuable members of society. In conclusion, although serious crimescrime need strict punishment, we cannot treat all young criminals in the same way as adultstreat all young criminals the same as adults. We should consider their age and mental development when we make such decisionsmake the decision.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents a clear position and offers well-reasoned arguments regarding how young offenders should be treated compared to adults. Its main strength lies in its logical structure and persuasive task coverage, though it occasionally relies on slightly repetitive language and minor grammatical errors. To reach a higher standard, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary precision and refining complex sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses all parts of the prompt with a clear, nuanced position that is maintained throughout the essay.
Provide more specific examples of serious crimes versus minor offenses to further support the distinction in punishment.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically into paragraphs with clear topic sentences and smooth overall progression.
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to avoid relying on repetitive transition words.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally accurate and adequate for the task, though some word choices are slightly repetitive or imprecise.
Incorporate a broader range of high-level, topic-specific vocabulary and avoid minor colocation errors like reoffend the laws.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence forms is used with a good degree of control, despite occasional minor grammatical slips.
Proofread carefully to eliminate small errors in preposition use and article selection.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.