Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In an era when the rate of juvenile crime is rising, the question of whether teenage offenders should receive the same punishment as adults has sparked intense debate. While some argue that this approach brings more drawbacks, I am firmly convinced that its benefits outweigh its drawbacksmerits far outweigh its demerits. From my perspective, young people who commit serious crimes should face proper sanctions. Some teenagers carry out terrible offences and seriously harm innocent people. If they only receive lenient punishmentspunishment, they may fail to realise their mistakes and reoffend in the future. Equivalent penalties can deter them from reoffendingstop them from committing crimes and warn them about the consequences of breaking the law. Moreover, this helps other young people respect the law. When teenagers realise the severe repercussions of illegal acts, it deters potential young offenders from doing sothis deters potential criminals from violating laws. Tough punishment can protect local residentsordinary residents in communities and make the public feel safe. It is almost impossible for culprits to escape from prison, which guarantees people’s personal safety and property. Without severe punishment, many young offenders would disregard the lawignore laws and hurt others without fear. However, teenagers’ minds are not fully developed. They are easily influenced by peers and online information and cannot clearly consider the negative outcomes of their actions. Most of them do not truly understand how harmful their behaviour is. If we punish them in the same way as adult criminals, they will lose the opportunity to become law-abiding citizens. Education can help young people change. Adult prisons may make these youngsters more violent rather than reforming them. Many teenage offenders just make errors in judgement, and they still have the potential to become valuable members of society. In conclusion, although serious crimescrime need strict punishment, we cannot treat all young criminals the same as adults. We should consider their age and mental development when we sentencing themmake the decision.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay displays a strong command of vocabulary and grammar, presenting arguments with good structural clarity. However, the writer's overall position becomes unclear due to contradictory views between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve, maintain a consistent and clear stance throughout the entire response.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Main ideas are developed, but the overall position is inconsistent because the introduction firmly agrees with equal punishment while the conclusion explicitly opposes it.
Establish a clear, nuanced opinion in the introduction and consistently maintain that exact stance through every paragraph and the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is organized into clear paragraphs with logical progression within sections and appropriate linking words.
Ensure smooth transitional phrases between contrasting body paragraphs to make the overall line of reasoning easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of topic-specific vocabulary is used accurately and naturally throughout the text.
Incorporate a wider range of sophisticated collocations and precise academic terms to further enhance lexical resource.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good variety of simple and complex sentence structures is produced with a high degree of grammatical accuracy.
Continue using complex grammatical forms while attempting more advanced punctuation patterns, such as semicolons or dash structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.