In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
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Sample Response
One of the growingincreasing trends is that many rural residents are moving to cities, so the population in rural areasthe rural area is dropping. I firmly believe that this is a negative development. There are two main reasons: the food shortage and the stress of labor market in cities.
Many individuals moving to cities will lead to a scenariolead the scenario that the number of people who work on farmsin the farm will decrease, which implies that the farmer cannot take care of every field. It might cause the shortage of food. One farmer can take responsibility forof one area of crops very well. However, after farmers try to move to cities, the number of farmers will decrease, which meanscause that the farmersfarmer who live in rural area must pay more attention to crops. For instance, one farmer can make sure that he can kill all the pestsall of bugs in one field, but he cannot make sure that there is no bug in ten fields. Because he does not have enough time to check it. As athe result, the quality and amount of crops might drop, which might cause the shortage of food.
The number of positions in cities is limited, which means that the population growthrising of population might lead to an increaselead the increasing of stress in the jobjobs market. Put simply, with the growing number of peoplewith the increasing of people who want to find jobs, the balance between requirements of labor market and the number of students in universities will be destroyed. For instance, most graduates can meet the requirementsfit the requirement of companies, so that they can find positions after they finish their studiesstudying. Nevertheless, the HR might give the position to people who have real experience about working, not students who just graduate from colleges. As the result, the more rural people who have real experience about working move to cities, the more difficult it is for studentsthe more difficult for students to find jobs.
In conclusion, because of risks of food shortage and the stress of labor market in cities, I totally disagree with the idea that rural individuals moving to cities is a positive trend.
Why this response received Band 6.0
文章明确表达了认为农村人口流向城市属于消极趋势的立场，并通过粮食短缺与城市就业竞争加剧两个切入点展开论述。整体结构清晰且字数充沛，但在论证逻辑的简洁度以及词汇与语法搭配的准确性上仍有提升空间。最优先的改进方向是加强句式结构的多样性与语法准确度，同时避免举例和解释时的局部重复。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务回应
文章对题目要求做出了直接回应，立场明确且涵盖了两个主要支持论点。
建议进一步精简例证，提高论据的代表性与说服力，避免同类观点的反复重复。
连贯与衔接
文章采用了标准的四段式结构，段落分工明确且段落间衔接基本自然。
注意替换过度频繁或不够地道的连接词，使上下文逻辑过渡更加流畅。
词汇资源
文章具备讨论该话题所需的基本词汇量，并尝试使用了部分高阶词汇。
需积累更地道的词组搭配，减少搭配错误及不恰当的介词使用。
语法多样性与准确性
文章能够混合使用简单句与复合句，主要意思能够被读者顺畅理解。
建议加强主谓一致、单复数以及固定句型结构的语法准确性。