In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
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Sample Response
One of the growingincreasing trends is that many rural residents are moving to cities, so the population in rural areasthe rural area is dropping. I firmly believe that this is a negative development. There are two main reasons: the food shortage and the stress of labor market in cities.
Many individuals moving to cities will lead to a scenario wherelead the scenario that the number of people who work on farmsin the farm will decrease, which might cause the shortage of food. To be more specific, one farmer can take responsibility for one area of crops very well, but after farmers try to move to cities, the number of farmers will decrease, which means that the farmersfarmer who keep living in rural area must pay more attention to crops. However, the attention of one person is not infinite. For instance, one farmer can make sure that he can kill all the pestsall of bugs in one field, but he cannot make sure that there are no peststhere is no bug in ten fields. It is because one farmer does not have enough time to check it. As athe result, the quality and amount of crops might drop, which might cause the shortage of food.
The number of positions in cities is limited, which means that the rise in populationrising of population might lead to increased pressurelead the increasing of stress in the jobs market. Put simply, with the increasing number of peopleincreasing of people who want to find jobs, the balance between requirements of labor market and the number of students in universities will be destroyed. For instance, most graduates can meet the requirementsfit the requirement of companies, so that they can find positions after they finish their studiesstudying. Nevertheless, employersthe HR might give the position to people who have real experience about working, not students who just graduate from colleges. As athe result, the more rural people who have real experience about working move to cities, the more difficult for students to find jobs.
In conclusion, because of the risks of food shortagesbecause of risks of food shortage and the stress of labor market in cities, I totally disagree with the idea that rural individuals moving to cities is a positive trend.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response takes a clear position on why rural-to-urban migration is a negative trend and provides distinct supporting arguments. However, the explanation in the second body paragraph relies on slightly confused logic regarding job competition, and grammatical inaccuracies are frequent throughout. To improve your writing, focus on maintaining logical coherence in complex arguments and refining article usage and prepositions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
You presented a clear opinion throughout the essay and supported it with relevant main ideas regarding agricultural impact and urban employment.
Ensure that supporting arguments, particularly the comparison between university graduates and experienced rural workers, remain logically consistent and directly tied to the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is divided into distinct paragraphs with clear overall progression, though transition signals are occasionally repetitive or slightly misapplied.
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices rather than repeating patterns like 'As the result' or 'To be more specific'.
Lexical Resource
You demonstrated a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey your main ideas, though word choice and phrasing are sometimes imprecise or unnatural.
Practice natural word combinations and precise phrasing, avoiding awkward constructions like 'lead the scenario' or 'the stress of labor market'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
You attempted complex sentence structures, but frequent grammatical errors with articles, noun forms, and prepositions detract from accuracy.
Review fundamental grammatical accuracy, focusing particularly on article agreement, subject-verb agreement, and correct prepositional combinations.