Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In this era of globalisation,” Education “, has become a part of every individual’s identity. But the bone of contention is whether to get educated in separate or co-education schools. This has been a debatable topic since the inception of the education system. The following essay will discuss the beneficial aspects of both schools and my opinion. In regard to the citizens who believe that segregated schools are better places for their children, there are several positive impacts; firstly, it is believed that when boys and girls are separated, it would make them more disciplined. Secondly, they tend to be more focused on studies rather than being distracted to all fantasies of teenage. So this would likely bring out them with flying colours and prosper in life. On the flip side, it is undeniable that co-education schools are also far more beneficial. This is because the interaction which occurs in this environment between boys and girls creates a healthy relationship, which naturally tends to make them more comfortable in later stages of life. This is not all; this education system makes her free from shyness and fear. For illustration, if a girl who is educated in co-education school joins a company for a job, she will feel free to communicate and socialise with others, since she would have shredded all her hesitations and nervousness in her school days. This would definitely lead her on the right path both in career and life. In a nutshell, mixed education imparts more and more benefits on students and these would facilitate them to progress in life. In my perspective, when both genders are educated together, it would bring out the best citizens who could serve as a torch bearer for posterity by making them aware of their own limits and culture of the society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct opening punctuation Original: globalisation,” Education “, has Suggested revision: globalisation, education has Why it matters: The stray quotation marks and comma interrupt the sentence, and the common noun should be lowercase.
- 2. Use direct issue phrase Original: the bone of contention Suggested revision: the central question Why it matters: The revision states the point directly and avoids a clichéd idiom.
- 3. Name school types clearly Original: whether to get educated in separate or co-education schools Suggested revision: whether students should attend single-sex or coeducational schools Why it matters: The revised terms accurately and grammatically name the two educational settings.
- 4. Use correct debate term Original: debatable Suggested revision: debated Why it matters: A topic is 'debated'; 'debatable' suggests that its truth is questionable.
- 5. Clarify comparison scope Original: beneficial aspects of both schools Suggested revision: benefits of both school types Why it matters: The essay compares types of schooling rather than two individual schools.
- 6. Use concise viewpoint link Original: In regard to the citizens Suggested revision: Regarding people Why it matters: The revision introduces the group holding this view more naturally and concisely.
- 7. Use concise benefit noun Original: positive impacts Suggested revision: benefits Why it matters: 'Benefits' expresses the positive effects directly without redundancy.
- 8. Fix conditional subject Original: when boys and girls are separated, it would make Suggested revision: separating boys and girls would make Why it matters: The gerund phrase provides a clear subject for 'would make'.
- 9. Add possessive determiner Original: focused on studies Suggested revision: focused on their studies Why it matters: The plural subject requires the possessive determiner 'their'.
- 10. Correct distraction preposition Original: to Suggested revision: by Why it matters: The adjective 'distracted' takes the preposition 'by' before a cause.
- 11. Use natural distraction phrase Original: all fantasies of teenage Suggested revision: teenage distractions Why it matters: The revision replaces an unnatural phrase with a clear general noun.
- 12. Use academic contrast Original: On the flip side Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: The standard transition is more suitable for presenting the opposing view in an academic essay.
Suggested Rewrites
- globalisation,” Education “, has globalisation, education has
- the bone of contention the central question
- whether to get educated in separate or co-education schools whether students should attend single-sex or coeducational schools
- debatable debated
- beneficial aspects of both schools benefits of both school types
- In regard to the citizens Regarding people
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both school models and gives a clear preference for mixed education, with its strongest support coming from the workplace communication example. Its main limitation is weak presentation and language control: the entire essay forms one paragraph, and frequent awkward expressions obscure otherwise relevant ideas. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the two views into separate paragraphs and explain each advantage in direct, accurately constructed sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the preference for mixed schooling is clear, but the separate-school case is only briefly developed and some benefits are asserted rather than explained.
Explain why greater discipline and focus would result from separation, then compare those benefits directly with the social advantages of mixed schooling.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from separate schools to mixed schools and a conclusion is clear, but the single-paragraph format and shifting pronouns weaken organisation.
Use an introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a concise conclusion so each stage of the argument has a distinct purpose.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts varied and sometimes less common vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations and misused idioms reduce precision.
Prefer natural phrases such as 'distracted by teenage relationships', 'overcome hesitation', and 'provide benefits to students'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures communicates the main message, although errors in pronouns, articles, word order, and clause control recur.
Maintain consistent plural reference to students and revise structures such as 'help them achieve good results and prosper'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.