Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The issue of environmental problems has become a pressing concern in modern times. While some argue that the loss of some particular species of plants and animals is the main environmental problem, others contend that there are more critical issues that demand immediate attention and action. This essay will discuss both perspectives and present arguments for why the loss of biodiversity might not be the central environmental problem of our time.
Those who are against this notion say that the primary environmental problem lies in the presence of other pressing issues, such as climate change and pollution. The consequences of global warming, including extreme weather events, rising sea levels, and disruptions to ecosystems, affect all living beings, not just specific plant or animal species. For example, the emission of greenhouse gases from industrial activities and deforestation has led to a rise in global temperatures, resulting in the melting of polar ice caps and threatening the survival of numerous species. Additionally, air and water pollution from various sources have detrimental effects on entire ecosystems, endangering the health and well-being of both humans and wildlife.
On the contrary, those who think that the loss of certain animals and plants is the main environmental crisis in modern times argue that the process can disrupt the ecological balance, leading to negative cascading effects on the entire ecosystem. Coral reefs, often referred to as the "rainforests of the sea," are home to an incredible diversity of marine life. The decline of certain coral species due to factors like ocean warming and acidification not only affects the corals themselves but also endangers the countless species that rely on these ecosystems for food and shelter. Thus, it starts a chain reaction that puts the whole world in danger.
In conclusion, although the loss of particular species of plants and animals is an important environmental concern, it is crucial to recognise that there are other pressing issues, such as climate change and pollution, that demand urgent attention. By addressing environmental challenges effectively, we can ensure a sustainable and healthy planet for all living creatures.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid repetition Original: The issue of environmental problems Suggested revision: Environmental problems Why it matters: This concise phrasing avoids repeating the idea of problems within the same noun phrase.
- 2. Remove redundancy Original: some particular species Suggested revision: particular species Why it matters: Particular already identifies a subset, so some is unnecessary.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: arguments for why Suggested revision: reasons why Why it matters: Reasons why is the more natural collocation for explaining this position.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: Those who are against this notion Suggested revision: Those who hold the latter view Why it matters: This wording clearly links the paragraph to the second viewpoint in the prompt.
- 5. Use a precise verb Original: lies in the presence of Suggested revision: stems from Why it matters: Stems from expresses the proposed source of the problem more directly.
- 6. Use standard collocation Original: the emission of greenhouse gases Suggested revision: greenhouse gas emissions Why it matters: Greenhouse gas emissions is the standard concise noun phrase in this context.
- 7. Match plural subject Original: has Suggested revision: have Why it matters: The revised plural subject greenhouse gas emissions requires the plural verb have.
- 8. Use accurate contrast Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: By contrast introduces the opposing viewpoint without implying that the previous claim is false.
- 9. Name the process Original: the process can disrupt Suggested revision: species loss can disrupt Why it matters: Naming species loss removes the vague reference created by the process.
- 10. Remove redundancy Original: negative cascading effects Suggested revision: cascading effects Why it matters: Cascading effects are already presented as harmful here, making negative unnecessary.
- 11. Use formal example marker Original: factors like ocean warming Suggested revision: factors such as ocean warming Why it matters: Such as is more precise for introducing examples in formal academic prose.
- 12. Clarify the pronoun Original: Thus, it starts Suggested revision: Consequently, this decline starts Why it matters: This decline gives the pronoun a clear referent and strengthens the causal link.
Suggested Rewrites
- The issue of environmental problems Environmental problems
- some particular species particular species
- arguments for why reasons why
- Those who are against this notion Those who hold the latter view
- lies in the presence of stems from
- the emission of greenhouse gases greenhouse gas emissions
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, well-supported position and develops both perspectives with relevant explanations and examples, while maintaining strong control of organisation and language. Its main limitation is that some reasoning, particularly the coral-reef example, overlaps with the opposing climate-change argument and slightly blurs the distinction between the two views. Sharpening that contrast and explaining more explicitly why broader problems should take priority would make the argument more incisive.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed through relevant, well-developed reasoning, and the writer's position remains clear throughout.
Make the distinction between biodiversity loss and broader environmental threats more explicit when developing the examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically across well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used clearly and unobtrusively.
Strengthen the transition into the biodiversity paragraph by stating the precise contrast before presenting its example.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and appropriately sophisticated, with only occasional slightly general phrasing.
Replace broad expressions such as "puts the whole world in danger" with a more exact description of the environmental consequences.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and errors are rare and do not impede meaning.
Refine occasional vague grammatical references, such as "the process," by naming the specific process directly.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
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