Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?
Same question Compare 2 different answersSample Response
Today, more than ever, when it comes to the issue of determining whether or not advances in technology affect the types of relationship individual make a plethora of perspective have been put forward. The expansion of modern means of communication is the ongoing debate which triggers so much controversy. This issue is fiercely criticised by some experts who are on the view that they pose a direct threat to social lives and may come at the expense of a severe social isolation and sedentary lifestyle. Others realise the significance of these means of communications and stick to the idea that these types of relationship are integral parts of interpersonal communication. Consequently, they are regarded as worthwhile. Nevertheless, as far as I am concerned, the opinion put forth by the second group is more logical. In the following paragraphs, I will shed light on my own attitudes for this issue.
To begin with, in the past, communication among people looked bleak. People used to meet and make an appointment to see each other and in according to the fact that communities had busy people and they seem doomed to have far-reaching communication.
In the second place, modern means of communication command people’s attention. They are the fastest and easiest way of togetherness. People are at the mercy of virtual world to have opportunities to get in touch with others even in the remotest part of the world which contributes to saving their time and hanging out every moment. This issue questions the need to have face to face interactions.
To cut a long story short, for better or worse, we live in a world which is surrounded by computers, cell phones on an unprecedented scale with which people spend their spare time. The truth is that, in this hectic lifestyle, the responsibility of real-time conversations, visualisation of each other, information exchange which enables individual to share a variety of information such as activities, events, interests, ideas falls on these ways of communication. Thanks to tremendous advances in technology. Last but not least, emails and messages make people more comfortable which pave the way for explaining their feeling without shyness and give them a sense of absolute confidence, also they are the backbone of introducing friends among youth which increase their social friendship.
In conclusion, all in all, rather than devoting a great deal of time and energy solely in terms of face to face interaction, the trend today is toward using modern means of communication to get in touch with others. The pivotal role these ways of communication performed in interpersonal communication is hard to ignore. However, many people fail to appreciate it.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix debate expression Original: the ongoing debate Suggested revision: a subject of ongoing debate Why it matters: An expansion is a subject of debate, not the debate itself.
- 2. Use natural expression Original: who are on the view Suggested revision: who hold the view Why it matters: “Hold the view” is the standard collocation for expressing an opinion.
- 3. Use uncountable noun Original: communications Suggested revision: communication Why it matters: “Communication” is uncountable in this general expression.
- 4. Match plural types Original: relationship Suggested revision: relationships Why it matters: The noun following “types of” should be plural here.
- 5. Correct opinion phrase Original: attitudes for this issue Suggested revision: views on this issue Why it matters: “Views on an issue” is the natural collocation.
- 6. Use precise phrase Original: way of togetherness Suggested revision: way of staying connected Why it matters: “Togetherness” does not naturally describe remote communication methods here.
- 7. Repair clause structure Original: at the mercy of virtual world to have opportunities to get in touch Suggested revision: able to use the virtual world to get in touch Why it matters: The replacement creates a grammatical complement after “People are”.
- 8. Clarify social contact Original: hanging out every moment Suggested revision: socialising at any time Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural and does not clearly express constant access.
- 9. Repair coordination Original: computers, cell phones on an unprecedented scale with which people spend their spare time Suggested revision: computers and cell phones, which people use in their spare time on an unprecedented scale Why it matters: The revision coordinates the devices and gives the relative clause a suitable verb.
- 10. Fix parallel list Original: the responsibility of real-time conversations, visualisation of each other, information exchange Suggested revision: the responsibility for real-time conversations, seeing each other, and exchanging information Why it matters: The preposition and list forms must be parallel.
- 11. Use plural noun Original: individual Suggested revision: individuals Why it matters: The countable noun needs a plural form for people in general.
- 12. Improve responsibility phrase Original: falls on these ways of communication Suggested revision: is handled through these means of communication Why it matters: The revised collocation clearly links the activities to communication technology.
Suggested Rewrites
- the ongoing debate a subject of ongoing debate
- who are on the view who hold the view
- communications communication
- relationship relationships
- attitudes for this issue views on this issue
- way of togetherness way of staying connected
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear positive position and its recognition that technology enables long-distance contact and easier self-expression. However, ideas about the types of relationships created are unevenly developed, and frequent awkward collocations and grammatical errors sometimes obscure the argument. Prioritise a simpler structure that directly answers each question with one clearly explained relationship change, supported by controlled sentences and natural word choices.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions and maintains a positive view, but its relevant points are often broad, repetitive, or insufficiently explained.
Identify specific relationship changes, such as maintaining distant ties or forming online friendships, and develop each with a clear consequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic sequencing are visible, but the lengthy introduction, formulaic transitions, and unclear internal links weaken overall progression.
Organise the essay around two direct body topics and use transitions only where the logical relationship is genuinely clear.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a wide range of vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word-form choices often make expression unnatural or imprecise.
Prefer familiar, accurate combinations and verify ambitious phrases before using them in key claims.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is an evident range of sentence forms, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clause control, and punctuation sometimes strain meaning.
Write shorter complex sentences and proofread each one for a complete main clause, correct agreement, and clear punctuation.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.