The technological advancement has changed the way people interact with each other. How the technology has affected the way people make and maintain relationship nowadays? Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
In recent years, it is undeniable that technology has an integral part to play in our life but besides plenty of benefits that it has brought, there are many drawbacks as well, one of them is about how people have recently treated each other.
In my opinion, the influences of technology on relationships are quite strong and the development of technology has become unfortunately negative. First of all, technology makes people change on only one side, for instance, on the Internet, perhaps he is very sociable and friendly but when it comes to real life, he is not the person whom he is used to be. Besides, one reason that explains this consequence is his shyness, because, on the Internet, he could be anyone whom he wants to be.
Secondly, still a matter of Internet, people might too care about the relationships on their social network accounts forget who they should actually pay attention to, their family, their real friends. For example, a person who has many friends on Facebook is likely to worry about the comments and number of likes that he has.
Last but not least, technology also makes friends’ or family’s relationships less appreciative. Because nowadays, whenever young people, especially teenagers, go out for dinner or just normally hang out, they bring their smartphones which are very convenient and have many interesting apps while they are with their friends or family, they usually focus mainly on their smart devices, so no one speaks to each other.
In conclusion, from my perspective, technology does have a lot of advantages but in recent decades, it has become a quite negative development and had particular bad effects on people’s relationships.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the correct verb Original: technology has an integral part to play Suggested revision: technology plays an integral part Why it matters: Technology plays a part; it does not have a part to play in this construction.
- 2. Use the plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural lives is needed when referring collectively to people's lives.
- 3. Clarify the contrast Original: but besides plenty of benefits that it has brought Suggested revision: but despite the many benefits it has brought Why it matters: Despite clearly introduces the contrast between the benefits and drawbacks.
- 4. Repair the comma splice Original: there are many drawbacks as well, one of them is about Suggested revision: there are also many drawbacks, including Why it matters: The revision joins the ideas grammatically and removes the vague phrase one of them is about.
- 5. Use singular influence Original: influences Suggested revision: influence Why it matters: Influence is normally singular when describing technology's general effect on relationships.
- 6. Express the effect clearly Original: has become unfortunately negative Suggested revision: has unfortunately had a negative effect Why it matters: The revision gives the adverb a natural position and states what has become negative.
- 7. Use consistent pronouns Original: worry about the comments and number of likes that he has Suggested revision: worry about the comments and number of likes they receive Why it matters: They maintains gender-neutral reference to a person and receive collocates naturally with comments and likes.
- 8. Clarify the relationship holders Original: friends’ or family’s relationships Suggested revision: relationships with friends or family Why it matters: The revision makes clear that technology affects a person's relationships with these groups.
- 9. Use the correct adjective Original: appreciative Suggested revision: valued Why it matters: Relationships can be less valued, while appreciative describes a person who shows gratitude.
- 10. Remove sentence fragment Original: Because nowadays Suggested revision: Nowadays, Why it matters: Removing Because allows the sentence to begin with an independent time adverbial.
- 11. Use concise wording Original: just normally hang out Suggested revision: simply hang out Why it matters: Simply conveys the ordinary activity without the awkward combination just normally.
- 12. Remove redundant adverb Original: focus mainly Suggested revision: focus Why it matters: Focus already means directing primary attention, so mainly is unnecessary here.
Suggested Rewrites
- technology has an integral part to play technology plays an integral part
- life lives
- but besides plenty of benefits that it has brought but despite the many benefits it has brought
- there are many drawbacks as well, one of them is about there are also many drawbacks, including
- influences influence
- has become unfortunately negative has unfortunately had a negative effect
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay maintains a clear negative position and offers three relevant effects of technology on relationships, supported by recognisable examples. Its main limitation is language control: frequent awkward collocations, missing sentence elements, and overloaded clauses sometimes obscure the explanation, particularly in the social-media and smartphone paragraphs. Prioritise rewriting each body paragraph around one precise claim, then use shorter complete sentences to explain cause and effect.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed with a clear negative position and relevant effects, though some explanations remain broad or partially unclear.
Explain each effect through a precise causal chain showing how a specific technology changes the formation or maintenance of relationships.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and an understandable progression, but mechanical sequencing and overloaded sentences weaken cohesion within paragraphs.
Give each body paragraph one focused topic sentence and connect its explanation and example with simple cause-and-effect links.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary for the topic, but frequent awkward combinations such as too care and less appreciative reduce precision.
Use natural expressions such as care too much about online approval and value relationships less.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but missing verbs, fragments, run-on clauses, and pronoun errors occur frequently and sometimes impede clarity.
Break long clauses into complete sentences and check that every sentence has a clear subject, finite verb, and correctly linked dependent clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The technological advancement has changed the way people interact with each other. How the technology has affected the way people make and maintain relationship nowadays? Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.