Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
[It has become a positive development]
The advent and rapid development of technology have fundamentally transformed the dynamics of interpersonal interactions among individuals. This has also transformed the way we make relationships and bond with each other. This essay contends that the evolution of technology has, in fact, catalyzed a positive shift in the types of relationships people form, fostering connectivity and enhancing social engagement.
Technology has diversified the ways individuals establish and maintain relationships. Social media platforms, for instance, have facilitated connections among individuals globally, transcending geographical barriers. However, we have to consider that those online relationships are not always as strong and real as the real-life relationships we make. Additionally, online dating applications have revolutionized how people meet and form romantic relationships, offering a wide array of choices and opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals. But, there are often emotional and social tolls on such virtual relationships as we rely on algorithms to match our partners. Technology has also gifted us swift and interactive communication with loved ones no matter the distance. For instance, someone living abroad can make video calls and talk to his or her family members whenever they want. This was impossible in the past when people had to rely on mail and postcards.
This evolution in the types of relationships forged through technology signifies a positive development, in my opinion. Online connectivity allows individuals to maintain contact with friends, family, and acquaintances across vast distances. Moreover, digital platforms enable marginalized groups, such as those with disabilities or introverted personalities, to establish meaningful connections they may struggle to form in traditional social settings. For instance, social networking sites provide platforms for introverted individuals to express themselves and interact comfortably, fostering self-confidence and social skills.
In conclusion, the impact of technology on relationship dynamics has been transformative, offering diverse avenues for connectivity and social interaction while making relationships less personal and emotional. I believe that embracing these changes in relationship dynamics signifies a positive shift towards enhanced connectivity and inclusivity in contemporary society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove planning note Original: [It has become a positive development] Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Delete this bracketed planning note so the response begins directly with the introduction.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: make Suggested revision: form Why it matters: The natural collocation is “form relationships” rather than “make relationships.”
- 3. Improve reference Original: those Suggested revision: such Why it matters: “Such” refers more smoothly to the online connections introduced in the preceding sentence.
- 4. Sharpen comparison Original: as strong and real as Suggested revision: as strong or genuine as Why it matters: “Genuine” expresses authenticity more precisely, while “or” separates the two qualities being compared.
- 5. Correct collocation Original: make Suggested revision: form Why it matters: English speakers conventionally “form” relationships.
- 6. Fix transition punctuation Original: But Suggested revision: However Why it matters: “However” is the appropriate conjunctive adverb before this comma.
- 7. Fix countability Original: emotional and social tolls Suggested revision: an emotional and social toll Why it matters: The expression normally takes the singular form “take a toll” in this context.
- 8. Use formal verb Original: gifted us Suggested revision: provided us with Why it matters: “Provided us with” is a more natural formal collocation for communication technology.
- 9. Refine distance phrase Original: no matter the distance Suggested revision: regardless of distance Why it matters: “Regardless of distance” is the more concise academic phrasing.
- 10. Match the pronoun Original: whenever they want Suggested revision: whenever he or she wants Why it matters: The pronoun and verb must agree with the singular subject “someone.”
- 11. Use precise verb Original: forged Suggested revision: formed Why it matters: “Formed” is more natural and neutral for relationships in this context.
- 12. Group contrasting points Suggested revision: Group the limitations of online relationships together before returning to the benefits of communication technology. Why it matters: The paragraph alternates between advantages and drawbacks, so grouping related points would improve progression.
Suggested Rewrites
- [It has become a positive development] Delete
- make form
- those such
- as strong and real as as strong or genuine as
- make form
- But However
Why this response received Band 8.0
This is a confident, well-developed response whose clearest strength is its consistent positive position supported by varied examples of global, romantic, and family relationships. Its main limitation is that some counterpoints are introduced briefly or with slightly awkward phrasing, which weakens precision and creates a small tension with the conclusion. Prioritise integrating the drawbacks more analytically, explaining why the benefits still outweigh them.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response fully addresses both questions, sustains a clear positive position, and develops its ideas with relevant examples and qualifications.
Explain the significance of each drawback more fully and explicitly show why the stated benefits outweigh it.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused sections, although the long second body paragraph carries several relationship types and counterpoints at once.
Separate the main relationship types or use more deliberate internal sequencing so each example and qualification has a distinct role.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and often precise, with effective expressions for connectivity, inclusion, and interpersonal change despite a few awkward collocations.
Replace expressions such as “make relationships” and “gifted us swift communication” with more natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the few minor punctuation or reference issues do not impede communication.
Refine punctuation after sentence-opening conjunctions and keep pronoun reference consistently controlled.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.