'Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting?
Sample Response
Today, thanks to new technology in the cyber-space, some office employees are allowed to work from home. This system has led many companies to gain more benefits, and I think this method will become more popular in the future due to the introduction of more developed web systems and facing more transport problems. To begin with, in some companies, office staffs are permitted to work from home via telecommuting, which has been beneficial to both employers and employees. One advantage is that owners can save more money. Clearly, considering a specific room for two or more employees, expenditures can become higher than working from home because rental and utility bills can be decreased far considerably. For example, a computer software engineer can finish and send his project through the web at the end of the month; therefore, he can do his tasks from home, and lesser funds will be spent for him totally. Another benefit is that people can save their time. Obviously, travelling several hours a day, many employees have to spend their valuable time on traffic jams, while it is not necessary they commute between their home and workplace as they work from home. As a prime example, my brother, who is an electronic engineer, had to spend almost two hours daily between his home and workplace; however, as his employers accepted he to do his duty from home, he has saved more than ten hours a week, and his performance has improved fundamentally. As a result, not only this method can be more economical, but less time-consuming. Besides, I believe that telecommuting will become a more common system in the future. One reason behind it is that individuals will have a better access to a faster Internet. Undoubtedly, the Internet is an essential factor that assists employees to achieve their duties, so as the speed of Internet develops, huge works will be accomplished far easily from home, leading home jobs to become a commoner type of working. Furthermore, increasing traffic load, especially in sprawling cities, will encourage employers to give green light to this type of working. In conclusion, home jobs have had many important advantages to businesses and workers, not only in the matter of their expenses but time. From my point of view, advancement in the technology of Internet and aggravation of traffic problems will cause more employees to use this system of the job.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Choose precise noun Original: this method will become Suggested revision: this work arrangement will become Why it matters: Work arrangement identifies telecommuting more precisely than method.
- 2. Restore parallel structure Original: facing more transport problems Suggested revision: worsening transport problems Why it matters: A noun phrase is needed to remain parallel with the preceding cause.
- 3. Use uncountable staff Original: staffs Suggested revision: staff Why it matters: Staff is uncountable when referring collectively to employees.
- 4. Name employers precisely Original: owners can save more money Suggested revision: employers can save money Why it matters: Employers is the precise term for the companies benefiting from lower costs.
- 5. Clarify office provision Original: considering a specific room Suggested revision: providing dedicated office space Why it matters: The original phrase does not clearly express the cost of supplying workspace.
- 6. Compare like with like Original: higher than working from home Suggested revision: higher than the costs of working from home Why it matters: Expenditures must be compared with other costs rather than with an activity.
- 7. Remove incompatible intensifier Original: far considerably Suggested revision: considerably Why it matters: Far does not naturally intensify considerably here.
- 8. Use concise job title Original: computer software engineer Suggested revision: software engineer Why it matters: Software engineer already identifies a computer-related profession.
- 9. Use mass quantifier Original: lesser funds Suggested revision: less money Why it matters: Less is the appropriate comparative quantifier for uncountable money.
- 10. Clarify expenditure Original: spent for him totally Suggested revision: spent on employing him overall Why it matters: The revised phrase states clearly what the reduced expenditure concerns.
- 11. Use fixed expression Original: save their time Suggested revision: save time Why it matters: The standard expression is save time without a possessive determiner.
- 12. Use correct preposition Original: on Suggested revision: in Why it matters: People spend time in traffic jams, not on them.
Suggested Rewrites
- this method will become this work arrangement will become
- facing more transport problems worsening transport problems
- staffs staff
- owners can save more money employers can save money
- considering a specific room providing dedicated office space
- higher than working from home higher than the costs of working from home
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear explanation of cost and commuting-time benefits, supported by relevant examples. However, it only partly explores how society will be affected and devotes substantial space to why telecommuting will become more common, so the priority is to develop a broader set of direct social consequences while keeping every paragraph focused on the question.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents relevant benefits with developed examples, but its later discussion explains the growth of telecommuting rather than its effects on society.
Develop a wider range of direct societal consequences and ensure each main idea answers the stated question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clear paragraphs, with generally effective linking despite some repetitive and occasionally awkward transitions.
Use linking phrases more selectively and make the relationship between each paragraph and the central argument more explicit.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss work, costs, technology, and transport, but recurring unnatural collocations reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as “home jobs” and “huge works” with natural, context-specific vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, although agreement, article, word-form, and sentence-pattern errors recur.
Prioritise accurate clause structures and review articles, agreement, and comparative forms in longer sentences.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
'Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.