"Telecommuting" refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting?
Sample Response
Nowadays, thanks to modernization, the way of communication between people has thoroughly become different than before. Using of electronic systems, humans are able to connect with each other, at their workplace or home. I personally believe that this technology has created more job opportunities for individuals, have reduced traffic load, and they have become more socially active.
Obviously, advancements in telecommunication have enhanced the capacity of the workforce in many countries. Some new graduates, who do not have sufficient financial backup, are able to work from their home. For example, my cousin, who is a fresh e-commerce developer graduate, has recently selected his home as his office, saving just over $1500 paid for rent and bills each month. Many other fresh engineers can use this novel method to do their business.
Another positive impact of this technology is that it has tremendously subsided traffic congestion in cities. Clearly, the less number of people commute between their home and office, the less severe traffic problem they will face in urban areas. To communicate with their partners, they can use their personal computer from their home, while before they had to spend almost one hour to reach their work. In this case, reported by the transport authorities of Tehran, the load vehicles in central area could be declined to almost half if telecommunication has been expanded by giant corporations, according to a report of a local economy magazine.
Lastly, this method has caused people to become more socially active. Definitely, had not this technology been so popular, nation’s cultures would have become less recognisable to other nations. They can use a variety of visual and audio features of the Internet and communicate with each other. For instance, Facebook, the leading contemporary social network, has led humans from different nationalities to have a closer relationship. They can send messages, chat, send or receive files or post video clips or pictures on their timeline, making the web a better place for communication.
In conclusion, progress in the cyberspace has created a better opportunity for humans to have a better living condition. From my perspective, this technology has increased job positions for the job seekers, commuting less between their home and workplace, and intercultural understanding has become more possible, far greater than the past.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct phrasing Original: the way of communication between people Suggested revision: the way people communicate Why it matters: The direct relative construction is more natural than “the way of communication between people”.
- 2. Fix change expression Original: has thoroughly become different than before Suggested revision: has changed completely Why it matters: “Change completely” expresses the development without the faulty comparison “different than before”.
- 3. Fix introductory phrase Original: Using of electronic systems Suggested revision: By using electronic systems Why it matters: A preposition plus gerund correctly expresses the means of communication.
- 4. Remove unnecessary comma Original: connect with each other, at Suggested revision: connect with each other at Why it matters: No comma should separate the verb phrase from the following location phrase.
- 5. Use natural support term Original: sufficient financial backup Suggested revision: sufficient financial support Why it matters: “Financial support” is the standard expression for available monetary assistance.
- 6. Use concise home phrase Original: are able to work from their home Suggested revision: can work from home Why it matters: “From home” is the idiomatic expression, and the modal makes the sentence more concise.
- 7. Clarify graduate field Original: a fresh e-commerce developer graduate Suggested revision: a recent graduate in e-commerce development Why it matters: The revision gives the graduate status and field in a natural order.
- 8. Use natural work phrase Original: selected his home as his office Suggested revision: chosen to use his home as an office Why it matters: A person chooses to use a location as an office rather than selecting it as one.
- 9. Clarify monthly savings Original: saving just over $1500 paid for rent and bills each month Suggested revision: saving just over $1,500 in rent and bills each month Why it matters: “Savings in rent and bills” clearly identifies the expenses avoided.
- 10. Use standard graduate term Original: fresh engineers Suggested revision: recent engineering graduates Why it matters: “Recent engineering graduates” is the natural formal description of newly qualified engineers.
- 11. Clarify remote work Original: do their business Suggested revision: work remotely Why it matters: The paragraph concerns performing professional work from home, not conducting business generally.
- 12. Use correct collocation Original: tremendously subsided traffic congestion Suggested revision: substantially reduced traffic congestion Why it matters: Technology can reduce congestion, whereas “subside” is normally intransitive.
Suggested Rewrites
- the way of communication between people the way people communicate
- has thoroughly become different than before has changed completely
- Using of electronic systems By using electronic systems
- connect with each other, at connect with each other at
- sufficient financial backup sufficient financial support
- are able to work from their home can work from home
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear explanation of how telecommuting can expand employment and reduce urban traffic, supported by concrete examples. Its main limitation is the third main idea, which discusses social media and intercultural communication rather than a consequence of working from home. The highest priority is to replace that tangential section with a direct societal effect of telecommuting, such as changes to local economies, family life, or workplace inclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Job access and reduced congestion are relevantly developed, but the social-media discussion is largely unrelated to the societal effects of telecommuting.
Develop a third effect that follows directly from remote work and explain its broader impact on communities, households, or employment access.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear introduction, three topic-based body paragraphs, and a conclusion, though the third branch weakens the overall line of progression.
Ensure every topic sentence explicitly names a consequence of telecommuting and remove examples that support internet communication only.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and sometimes varied for work, traffic, and technology, but frequent inaccurate collocations reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as ‘communication has changed’, ‘financial resources’, ‘reduce congestion’, ‘traffic volume’, and ‘work remotely’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, comparatives, clauses, and parallel forms remain noticeable.
Check sentence subjects and parallel lists, especially ‘technology has created, reduced, and enabled’ and ‘the fewer people who commute, the less congestion’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
"Telecommuting" refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.