The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Sample Response
It goes without saying that globalization and development in technology have changed almost everyone’s expectations of human life. Therefore, according to some people, the traditional idea gives immense benefits, and even values and behaviour help people for their better survival, but others deny and believe these past ideas are not worthy for youngsters who live in the modern era. However, I deem that in some cases, traditional ideas are still useful, and it has various welfare in today’s community. I would like to explicate it and length easy paragraph to come.
Going with the first school of thought, new approaches and updated ideas brought the world closer and designed the lives of ordinary people easier and simple. Put in other words, there are numerous tools and options to solve the day-to-day problems of individual life. Even using sophisticated pieces of equipment with vast thinking change all the life of people who lives in the community. For example, there are ample inventions that make the lives of people convenient such as internet gadgets and heavy machines that sort out every immense problem in a few times. To add to it, new ideas among the children lead to easily get focus and achieving higher education while they are studying in smart schools.
Only the other hand, old inventions also have some positive side to making fact changes in society even though old ideas are time-proven so that massive population of the country, especially senior people, always like to prefer their old approach lifestyle for a better outcome. To be clear, moral values that are vital for people to survive in the contemporary era because when people get connected with their past background, they definitely achieve heights instead of destruction. Moreover, there are ample basic experiences of life which always learn from the Past value so that individuals tend to enhance their lifestyle with brilliant thinking. For instance, some of the treatments are not much effective in modern society, so they easily take old remedies which have a long-lasting effect of curing the treatment without any hurdles.
To conclude, certain ancient outlooks have become irrelevant in this new era. In spite of that, I think many of them are still useful to man today, and if followed by the newer generations, it can lead them to huge achievements.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural agreement Original: the traditional idea gives immense benefits Suggested revision: traditional ideas offer significant benefits Why it matters: The discussion concerns multiple traditional ideas, and 'offer benefits' is the natural construction.
- 2. Correct verb pattern Original: help people for their better survival Suggested revision: help people live better Why it matters: 'Help' takes a bare infinitive here, and the revision expresses the intended meaning clearly.
- 3. Use the right verb Original: deny Suggested revision: disagree Why it matters: 'Disagree' can stand alone for an opposing view, whereas 'deny' normally needs an object.
- 4. Correct adjective choice Original: not worthy for youngsters Suggested revision: not useful to young people Why it matters: 'Useful to' expresses practical value more accurately than 'worthy for'.
- 5. Fix reference and noun Original: it has various welfare Suggested revision: they offer various benefits Why it matters: The plural ideas require 'they', and 'benefits' is the appropriate countable noun.
- 6. Use a clear transition Original: Going with the first school of thought Suggested revision: From one perspective Why it matters: This transition introduces the viewpoint without implying that a clearly defined school has already been named.
- 7. Correct the complement Original: designed the lives of ordinary people easier and simple Suggested revision: made ordinary people's lives easier and simpler Why it matters: 'Make' takes an object followed by comparative adjectives in this construction.
- 8. Correct the expression Original: Put in other words Suggested revision: Put another way Why it matters: The fixed reformulation phrase is 'Put another way'.
- 9. Avoid absolute wording Original: every immense problem Suggested revision: many significant problems Why it matters: The revision avoids an unsupported absolute while retaining the claim that the inventions solve major problems.
- 10. Correct time expression Original: in a few times Suggested revision: in a short time Why it matters: 'In a short time' is the correct expression for completing something quickly.
- 11. Fix parallel verbs Original: lead to easily get focus and achieving higher education Suggested revision: help them focus and achieve higher educational outcomes Why it matters: The revised verbs are parallel and correctly follow 'help'.
- 12. Correct the transition Original: Only Suggested revision: On Why it matters: The standard contrastive linker is 'On the other hand'.
Suggested Rewrites
- the traditional idea gives immense benefits traditional ideas offer significant benefits
- help people for their better survival help people live better
- deny disagree
- not worthy for youngsters not useful to young people
- it has various welfare they offer various benefits
- Going with the first school of thought From one perspective
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a recognizable position and a conventional paragraph structure, and it attempts to consider both modern approaches and continuing traditional values. Its main limitation is that the ideas are often generic, loosely connected to the precise question, and obscured by unnatural language. The highest-priority improvement is to build each body paragraph around one clearly relevant traditional idea, then explain specifically whether it helps prepare young people for modern life.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A partial position is apparent, but the discussion often shifts to technology or old inventions without directly evaluating preparation for modern life.
Use each paragraph to assess a specific traditional belief and explain clearly how it helps or hinders younger people today.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing provides a basic progression, but internal links are sometimes mechanical or inaccurate and several ideas follow one another loosely.
Start each body paragraph with a precise controlling idea and connect every example explicitly back to that claim.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate collocations and word choices make many points difficult to express naturally.
Prioritize accurate common phrasing and revise combinations such as various welfare, vast thinking, and fact changes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clauses, and sentence construction sometimes impede clarity.
Write shorter complete sentences first, then check every clause for a clear subject, finite verb, and correct agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.