The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich are becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap?
Sample Response
It is true that nowadays the difference between the wealthy and the poor is increasing: the wealth is growing, while the poor are going deeper into debts.
We must acknowledge that life for some categories of the population is extremely hard. It does not mean that they are people who have never worked in life or those with anti-social behaviour like drug or alcohol addicted. I read in "Gold Coast Bulletin" that 700 households in Queensland had been disconnected from electricity in the past 3 months because they had not been able to pay the bills. It is true that it is more complicated for these citizens to survive and adapt, as the cost of living is unreasonably high.
On the other hand, 1% of Earth’s population owns as much money as the rest 99%, which is absolutely unfair. I doubt that all of them have inherited their wealth or have been working hard for decades. The names of the two wealthiest families –the Rothschilds and the Rockefellers are known to everybody. The ways of getting such enormous sums are not always legal, but society prefers to ignore such facts.
Moreover, these people do not only live in multi-million mansions, drive luxurious cars, eat in sophisticated restaurants, but they constantly show off their money, which many people find offensive and irritating. Instead of spending a fortune on useless things, why are not they involved in charity more? If they have billions of dollars and do not know what else to purchase to attract others' attention, why do not share half of their wealth? They will not become poorer, while the lives of less lucky ones can be transformed, and these people can at least get a chance. The whole society would benefit because of that as the crime level would descend.
Overall,
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Refer to people Original: the wealth is growing Suggested revision: the wealthy are growing richer Why it matters: Wealth itself grows, but the sentence contrasts richer people with poorer people.
- 2. Correct debt expression Original: debts Suggested revision: debt Why it matters: Debt is normally uncountable in the fixed expression fall or go deeper into debt.
- 3. Use natural grouping Original: categories Suggested revision: sections Why it matters: Sections of the population is the more natural expression for social groups.
- 4. Add publication article Original: I read in "Gold Coast Bulletin" Suggested revision: I read in the "Gold Coast Bulletin" Why it matters: A newspaper title used in this construction normally takes the definite article.
- 5. Spell out small number Original: 3 Suggested revision: three Why it matters: Spelling out a small number is more consistent with formal prose.
- 6. Remove vague wording Original: It is true that it is more complicated Suggested revision: It is more difficult Why it matters: Difficult expresses the hardship more directly than the vague word complicated.
- 7. Use additive transition Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: This paragraph continues the discussion of inequality rather than presenting an opposing view.
- 8. Correct percentage phrase Original: rest Suggested revision: remaining Why it matters: Remaining is required to modify the percentage directly in this construction.
- 9. Name the judgement clearly Original: which is absolutely unfair Suggested revision: a distribution that is deeply unequal Why it matters: The revision gives the evaluation a clear noun and uses more precise academic wording.
- 10. Close parenthetical phrase Original: The names of the two wealthiest families –the Rothschilds and the Rockefellers Suggested revision: The names of the two wealthiest families—the Rothschilds and the Rockefellers— Why it matters: Paired dashes are needed to set off the two family names before the main verb.
- 11. Use formal phrasing Original: The ways of getting such enormous sums Suggested revision: The methods used to acquire such enormous sums Why it matters: Acquire and methods are more precise and formal in this context.
- 12. Correct question order Original: why are not they involved in charity more Suggested revision: why are they not more involved in charity Why it matters: The subject must precede not in this negative question structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- the wealth is growing the wealthy are growing richer
- debts debt
- categories sections
- I read in "Gold Coast Bulletin" I read in the "Gold Coast Bulletin"
- 3 three
- It is true that it is more complicated It is more difficult
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response's strongest feature is its engaged discussion of hardship and inequality, expressed through varied language and several concrete illustrations. However, it only partially answers the two-part task: the problems are diffuse, the proposed solution is largely limited to voluntary charity, and the response ends with an unfinished conclusion. The priority is to organize the essay explicitly around well-explained problems and practical, developed solutions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant concerns about poverty and crime appear, but the problems are not systematically developed and the solution coverage is narrow and incomplete.
Develop at least two distinct consequences and two realistic measures, explaining clearly how each measure would reduce the wealth gap.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing separates broad ideas, but progression is weakened by a misused contrast marker, argumentative digressions, and the unfinished final paragraph.
Use a task-led structure with dedicated problem and solution paragraphs, then complete the argument with a concise summary of both parts.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonably wide vocabulary, although recurring collocational and word-form problems make some expressions awkward or imprecise.
Improve control of fixed expressions and noun phrases, such as 'fall deeper into debt,' 'people addicted to drugs or alcohol,' and 'crime rate.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys meaning clearly, but errors in articles, agreement, question inversion, and coordination recur.
Check auxiliary-subject order in questions and proofread complex sentences for complete clauses, accurate agreement, and balanced parallel structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich are becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap?
Your response
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