The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich are becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap?
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
The amount of income of people is always an important topic in social sciences. The equilibrium of society depends on how this income is shared among the people. Sadly, with the start of the 1950s, the gap between poor and rich has become wider and nowadays this gap has reached its peak point. The reason for this situation is the structure of our business system we have constructed over years. This economic model is called ‘Capitalism’. Needless to say, the word Capitalism is the derivative of Capital and obliviously, one who has capital has the chance to improve his business and obtain welfare. On the other hand, poor guys are less likely to build a business because of the absence of capital. One of the ugliest results of this system is that this system makes people simply greedy. The community has started to think true happiness can be reached only with more money. Another problem we face in this system is consumerism which means to have a good stable mood it is obligatory to consume more and more. In future, if this economic model preserves itself, it can lead to anarchy which may result in disasters and deaths of many innocents. To improve our lives, to beat this endless unhappiness, we should teach our children the importance of social justice. This problem is not going to be solved in the following several years. In the long run, we should change the way how we understand life. We must alter the roots and dynamics of our community. Nevertheless, we should preserve our hope because human beings had solved much more difficult problems in history. There is a great number of people who are aware of this problem. A modern social and economic structure should be formed to address this issue. The government policy to help the poor should be more emphasised and education in a country should be free so that poor people can make their children educated. This educational opportunity can play a huge role to mitigate this eminent gap. In conclusion, the social and economic formation and revolutionary changed in current capitalism is required to eliminate the gap between the poor and rich. More than three-fourth of wealth is owned by only 15% of the total population in the world. This is an unfair distribution and if not addressed carefully would only create chaos in the future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise noun phrase Original: The amount of income of people Suggested revision: People's income levels Why it matters: The possessive noun phrase is more natural and accurately accommodates differing incomes.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: shared among the people Suggested revision: distributed among people Why it matters: The general plural noun does not need the, and distributed is more precise for income.
- 3. Correct the time phrase Original: with the start of the 1950s Suggested revision: since the 1950s Why it matters: Since correctly marks a change beginning in that decade and continuing to the present.
- 4. Add group articles Original: between poor and rich Suggested revision: between the poor and the rich Why it matters: The adjectives need the definite article when referring to social groups.
- 5. Remove redundant noun Original: peak point Suggested revision: peak Why it matters: Peak already means the highest point, so point is redundant.
- 6. Add article and streamline Original: business system we have constructed over years Suggested revision: business system constructed over the years Why it matters: Years requires the definite article, and the reduced relative clause is clearer.
- 7. Use correct word form Original: is the derivative of Capital Suggested revision: is derived from capital Why it matters: Derived from is the correct verb construction for describing the word's origin.
- 8. Correct the word Original: obliviously Suggested revision: obviously Why it matters: Obliviously means without awareness, while obviously expresses the intended evident relationship.
- 9. Correct the meaning Original: obtain welfare Suggested revision: achieve prosperity Why it matters: Welfare does not mean general business success in this context.
- 10. Use formal wording Original: poor guys Suggested revision: poor people Why it matters: Guys is overly informal and can be gender-specific in an academic essay.
- 11. Use natural expression Original: the absence of capital Suggested revision: a lack of capital Why it matters: A lack of capital is the conventional phrase for insufficient business funding.
- 12. Remove repeated noun phrase Original: this system is that this system Suggested revision: the system is that it Why it matters: Replacing the second repetition with a pronoun makes the sentence concise and cohesive.
Suggested Rewrites
- The amount of income of people People's income levels
- shared among the people distributed among people
- with the start of the 1950s since the 1950s
- between poor and rich between the poor and the rich
- peak point peak
- business system we have constructed over years business system constructed over the years
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in recognising that severe inequality can promote consumerism, social resentment, and instability, and in proposing education and government support as responses. Its main limitation is that the discussion spends substantial space attacking capitalism, while several consequences are overstated and many solutions remain vague; the single-paragraph presentation also weakens progression. The highest-priority improvement is to develop two concrete social problems and match each with a specific, feasible policy mechanism.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both problems and solutions are addressed, but some content focuses on causes, several claims are overgeneralised, and proposed reforms are often insufficiently specific.
Explain precise consequences such as unequal opportunity or social unrest and connect them to workable measures such as progressive taxation, targeted benefits, or free education.
Coherence and Cohesion
A general movement from diagnosis to consequences, solutions, and conclusion is visible, but the unbroken paragraph and repeated broad claims weaken coherence.
Separate the response into an introduction, a problems paragraph, a solutions paragraph, and a concise conclusion with clear internal sequencing.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of social and economic vocabulary, but inaccurate word choices, informal phrasing, and repetition reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as “poor guys,” “obtain welfare,” “ugliest results,” and “eminent gap” with accurate neutral academic language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex structures are used, but errors in tense, agreement, articles, word forms, and clause construction recur throughout.
Check agreement and word form carefully, particularly in sentences describing government policies, historical change, and proposed reforms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich are becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap?
Your response
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