Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Government jobs at key positions are very critical and require serious responsibilities. Decision making done through important positions creates a long-term impact on the growth of the country in different sectors. Many people believe that critical offices in government should only be awarded to more experienced bureaucrats, while others believe that one should benefit from the creative and thriving skills of the young generation. This essay will look at both sides before drawing a conclusion.
One the one hand, many argue that influential positions in government should only be given to older and experienced candidates. They say that experience give them necessary skill set which is vital in their decision-making skills. For instance, in the case of militancy in the country, a General would be more effective in mitigating the situation as compared to a lieutenant who has recently graduated. Moreover, they believe that young people, due to lack of field experience are unable to manage large teams and are unaware of government operations, procedures and regulations. Their induction in key positions can have catastrophic effects on the growth of the country.
However, there are several plausible counters in favour of this argument. Young generation brings creativity and innovation in their work, which is vital for prosperity in the modern era. Their enthusiasm and dedication are nonpareil with older people. For instance, young government health workers successfully raised the awareness of polio vaccines in the country. Their efforts are evident from the charts where the number of polio cases registered every quarter is decreasing. Often government jobs require rigorous screening based on different criteria and if the youth is successful in passing out those that there is no harm in awarding important government jobs to young aspirants.
Although the above arguments provide firm evidence for both sides of the argument, it is felt that healthiest approach in offering key government jobs is to ensure they follow rigorous training programs. Thus, a person's age should not be a discriminating factor in awarding government jobs.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid redundancy Original: very critical Suggested revision: critical Why it matters: Critical already conveys a high degree of importance, so very is redundant.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: require serious responsibilities Suggested revision: entail serious responsibilities Why it matters: Positions entail responsibilities rather than require them.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: creates a long-term impact Suggested revision: has a long-term impact Why it matters: Have an impact is the more natural collocation here.
- 4. Clarify the allocation Original: critical offices in government should only be awarded to more experienced bureaucrats Suggested revision: key government positions should be reserved for more experienced bureaucrats Why it matters: Positions can be reserved for people, whereas offices themselves are not awarded to candidates in this context.
- 5. Fix the word choice Original: creative and thriving skills Suggested revision: creativity and drive Why it matters: Thriving does not naturally describe skills, while drive expresses the intended energy.
- 6. Correct the linker Original: One the one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The standard contrastive linker begins with On.
- 7. Match subject and verb Original: experience give Suggested revision: experience gives Why it matters: The singular subject experience requires gives.
- 8. Add the article Original: them necessary skill set Suggested revision: them the necessary skill set Why it matters: The singular countable phrase skill set needs the definite article in this context.
- 9. Clarify the relationship Original: vital in their decision-making skills Suggested revision: vital for effective decision-making Why it matters: The revised phrase removes the unclear reference and uses the correct preposition.
- 10. Use lowercase Original: a General Suggested revision: a general Why it matters: A military rank used without a person's name is not capitalised here.
- 11. Complete the comparison Original: as compared to Suggested revision: than Why it matters: The comparative form more effective is completed directly with than.
- 12. Add article and comma Original: due to lack of field experience are Suggested revision: due to a lack of field experience, are Why it matters: Lack needs an article, and the interrupting phrase should be closed with a comma.
Suggested Rewrites
- very critical critical
- require serious responsibilities entail serious responsibilities
- creates a long-term impact has a long-term impact
- critical offices in government should only be awarded to more experienced bureaucrats key government positions should be reserved for more experienced bureaucrats
- creative and thriving skills creativity and drive
- One the one hand On the one hand
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, balanced discussion and reaches a relevant, nuanced position, with both sides supported by specific examples. Its main limitation is uneven language control: several article, agreement, and collocation errors make otherwise ambitious phrasing sound awkward. The highest-priority improvement is to edit complex sentences for grammatical accuracy and natural word combinations while retaining the strong development of ideas.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed with relevant explanation and examples, and the final position is clear and consistent.
Develop the training-based opinion more fully by explaining why it resolves the concerns raised about inexperienced appointees.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through an introduction, two contrasting arguments, and a concise conclusion, with generally effective linking.
Use more precise transitions when changing sides so references such as 'this argument' cannot point ambiguously to the preceding view.
Lexical Resource
A broad and sometimes sophisticated vocabulary conveys the argument effectively, although several collocations are unnatural.
Replace awkward combinations such as 'thriving skills' and 'nonpareil with' with natural, context-appropriate phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful range of complex structures is attempted successfully, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, and sentence construction reduce control.
Proofread each complex sentence for subject-verb agreement, missing articles, and correctly punctuated dependent phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.