Nowadays more and more young people hold important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing while others argue that it is neither suitable nor desirable. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
People have divided opinions when it comes to young people's employment in important government jobs. While some think that it is advantageous, others completely oppose it. The following paragraphs will discuss both viewpoints and argue in favour of the view that young people are not suitable for the majority of the key positions in a government.
On the one hand, some people concur with the idea that young people should lead the country by serving in important decision-making state positions. They opine that young minds are fresh, have innovative ideas and can bring about positive changes. As they understand the latest technology, have better global viewpoints and are free from corruption, they are better suited to serve important government positions. For instance, the technology sector in my country has more young executives than their older counterparts. As a result, those young can make better decisions in terms of technological use and automation of public sectors.
On the contrary, young people often lack the experience and diplomatic perspectives to make important decisions in sensitive areas like foreign affairs, law-making and presenting the budget for the country. This is why another group of people veto their involvement in key positions in a government. They say that experience is a vital factor in serving important state positions and young people are not suitable for such critical positions to run a country.
In my opinion, young people may be suitable for a few positions in a government, for instance, technology, but more experienced leaders should serve a government for the betterment of the country. For instance, the position of the "Chief Justice" or the "President" demands extensive experience and knowledge, and not just innovation and fresh perspectives. Those positions, thus, are not suitable for young minds without experience.
In conclusion, young people in a country should be encouraged to join a few government sectors like technology and science, but most vital administrative jobs, which require comprehensive expertise and diplomatic skills, should be served by experienced leaders.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use hold differing opinions Original: People have divided opinions Suggested revision: People hold differing opinions Why it matters: Hold differing opinions is the natural collocation for disagreement.
- 2. Remove unnecessary articles Original: majority of the key positions in a government Suggested revision: majority of key positions in government Why it matters: Key positions is general here, and government takes no article when referring to public administration.
- 3. Clarify government roles Original: important decision-making state positions Suggested revision: important government decision-making positions Why it matters: The revised order identifies the roles as government positions involving decisions.
- 4. Use global perspectives Original: viewpoints Suggested revision: perspectives Why it matters: Global perspectives is the conventional phrase for broad international understanding.
- 5. Use hold positions Original: serve Suggested revision: hold Why it matters: People hold or serve in positions; they do not serve positions.
- 6. Name young executives Original: those young Suggested revision: those young executives Why it matters: Young cannot function alone as a countable noun for the previously mentioned executives.
- 7. Use of technology Original: technological use Suggested revision: the use of technology Why it matters: Use of technology is the natural noun phrase for applying technological tools.
- 8. Use singular sector Original: automation of public sectors Suggested revision: automation in the public sector Why it matters: The public sector is normally treated as one collective area, and automation occurs in it.
- 9. Use contrast connector Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: The paragraph presents an alternative view rather than contradicting a factual assertion.
- 10. Use preparing national budget Original: presenting the budget for the country Suggested revision: preparing the national budget Why it matters: Preparing the national budget is the standard phrase for this governmental responsibility.
- 11. Use oppose appointment Original: veto their involvement Suggested revision: oppose their appointment Why it matters: Veto normally refers to a formal power over a proposal, while oppose fits this general viewpoint.
- 12. Use jobs be filled Original: served Suggested revision: filled Why it matters: Jobs are filled by people rather than served by them.
Suggested Rewrites
- People have divided opinions People hold differing opinions
- majority of the key positions in a government majority of key positions in government
- important decision-making state positions important government decision-making positions
- viewpoints perspectives
- serve hold
- those young those young executives
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay discusses both perspectives clearly and maintains a nuanced opinion that younger officials suit technology-oriented roles while highly sensitive offices require greater experience. Its strongest qualities are logical organisation, relevant role-based examples, and controlled academic language; the main limitation is that a few supporting claims, such as young people being free from corruption, are overly broad. The best refinement is to qualify these generalisations and compare competence using more concrete evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are well developed and the qualified opinion remains consistent, although some claims are generalised and the technology-sector example is not clearly governmental.
Use a specific public-sector example and explain how experience or technological expertise affects the quality of an actual government decision.
Coherence and Cohesion
The five-paragraph structure creates clear progression from both views to a distinct opinion and conclusion, with effective referencing throughout.
Reduce minor repetition between the opposing-view paragraph, opinion paragraph, and conclusion by making each serve a more distinct function.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary conveys government roles, innovation, diplomacy, and expertise precisely, with occasional awkward or overly formal choices.
Replace expressions such as 'those young' and 'veto their involvement' with natural alternatives such as 'younger officials' and 'oppose their appointment'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, though occasional article, collocation, and sentence-pattern lapses remain noticeable.
Refine constructions involving 'serve' and government positions, using forms such as 'serve in a role' or 'hold a position'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays more and more young people hold important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing while others argue that it is neither suitable nor desirable. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.