Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Important government positions in most of the countries are taken up by experienced people. Some believe that young people are more suitable for these jobs, others however, are not in favor of assigning positions to young crowd. It is agreed that the new generation will work better in such positions, provided they implement the latest concepts and techniques. This essay will discuss both the views before giving a reasoned The principal reason why young people are not considered for important jobs in administration is because they lack experience. In other words, an experienced individual will use his past knowledge and expertise to resolve the present issues. For example, in Indian parliament a question was raised whether to remove import duty, most of the young officers were in support of the bill, and later it was found that it was a bad decision. This clearly explains the importance of experience and the need to refrain young crowd from taking critical decisions. On the other hand, it can argued that younger generation is more broad minded. This attitude will help the government take decisions based on latest trends and concepts. Although they lack the necessary experience, they will take care by referring to past case studies. Another point is that young generation will be more active and healthier than their older counterpart. Obviously, this will help them in carrying out their task easily. In, the younger generation is more broadminded and is well versed with the current trends and technology; this will help them in outperforming their older counterpart. Personally, I agree with the fact that younger generations are more capable in performing vital administrative jobs.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: most of the countries Suggested revision: most countries Why it matters: A general plural noun does not need 'the' after 'most'.
- 2. Use a precise verb Original: are taken up by Suggested revision: are held by Why it matters: Government positions are more naturally described as being held by people.
- 3. Fix the sentence boundary Original: these jobs, others however, Suggested revision: these jobs; others, however, Why it matters: A semicolon separates the independent clauses, and commas correctly set off 'however'.
- 4. Use consistent pronouns Original: his Suggested revision: their Why it matters: Singular 'they' provides a gender-neutral reference to 'an experienced individual'.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: resolve the present issues Suggested revision: address current issues Why it matters: 'Address current issues' is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 6. Correct the verb pattern Original: refrain young crowd Suggested revision: prevent young people Why it matters: 'Prevent someone from doing something' is the required construction here.
- 7. Complete the passive form Original: it can argued Suggested revision: it can be argued Why it matters: The passive construction after the modal verb requires 'be'.
- 8. Add the article Original: that younger generation is Suggested revision: that the younger generation is Why it matters: The singular collective phrase requires the definite article.
- 9. Add the article Original: based on latest trends Suggested revision: based on the latest trends Why it matters: The superlative adjective 'latest' requires the definite article.
- 10. Clarify the meaning Original: they will take care by referring Suggested revision: they can compensate by referring Why it matters: 'Compensate' expresses how they intend to address their lack of experience.
- 11. Add article and comparison Original: young generation will be Suggested revision: the younger generation will be Why it matters: The definite article and comparative adjective are needed for this group comparison.
- 12. Use the plural noun Original: counterpart Suggested revision: counterparts Why it matters: The plural group is being compared with multiple older people, so 'counterparts' should be plural.
Suggested Rewrites
- most of the countries most countries
- are taken up by are held by
- these jobs, others however, these jobs; others, however,
- his their
- resolve the present issues address current issues
- refrain young crowd prevent young people
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response discusses both views, states a clear preference for younger officials, and supports each side with relevant reasons. Its main limitation is presentation: the essay is a single block, one sentence is left incomplete, and recurrent grammatical and collocational errors interrupt an otherwise understandable progression. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and thoroughly proofread sentence boundaries and core grammatical forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's opinion is clear, with relevant reasons and some supporting explanation.
Develop the preferred view more deeply by showing how youth can compensate for limited experience in real government decisions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas move in a sensible order, but missing paragraph breaks and an incomplete transition disrupt the essay's flow.
Use separate paragraphs for the introduction, each viewpoint, and the conclusion, with complete transitions between them.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary for the topic, including some less common administrative terms, but several collocations are unnatural.
Replace phrases such as young crowd and refrain young crowd with precise expressions such as young officials and prevent inexperienced officials.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but frequent article, agreement, preposition, and punctuation errors reduce accuracy.
Correct incomplete and run-on sentences first, then check articles and subject-verb agreement throughout.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.