Nowadays more and more young people hold important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing while others argue that it is neither suitable nor desirable. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
In recent times, there has been a noticeable increase in young individuals assuming significant roles within government institutions. While some argue that this development is positive, others hold the belief that it is neither appropriate nor desirable. This essay will discuss both perspectives and provide an opinion in favour of young people in key government positions.
Opponents of young people holding important positions in government argue that experience and wisdom are crucial prerequisites for effective leadership. They contend that young individuals may lack the necessary expertise, knowledge, and understanding of complex issues to make informed decisions. Furthermore, sceptics raise concerns about the potential for manipulation and exploitation of young leaders by more experienced and influential figures within the government. They argue that young individuals may be susceptible to external influences and may lack the political acumen and resilience to navigate complex power dynamics.
On the contrary, supporters of young people holding important positions in government highlight several advantages. Firstly, young individuals often bring fresh perspectives and innovative ideas to the table. Their exposure to modern challenges and their ability to think outside the box can contribute to more progressive policies and effective decision-making processes. Secondly, the inclusion of young people in government promotes intergenerational fairness and representation. It ensures that the voices and concerns of the younger population, who will bear the consequences of long-term decisions, are adequately considered. This can lead to policies that address the evolving needs of society and provide opportunities for the growth and development of future generations.
In my opinion, the involvement of young people in government is a positive development. While experience is undoubtedly valuable, it should not be the sole determinant of leadership potential. Young individuals bring fresh perspectives, innovative ideas, and a deep understanding of contemporary challenges.
To conclude, the increasing presence of young people in important government positions is advantageous. I believe that embracing the contributions of young individuals in government is essential for a more inclusive and progressive society. By combining the energy and vision of youth, governments can effectively address the complex challenges of the modern world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: young individuals assuming significant roles Suggested revision: young people taking on significant roles Why it matters: The replacement is more natural and direct in this context.
- 2. Remove wordiness Original: hold the belief that Suggested revision: believe that Why it matters: The single verb conveys the same meaning more concisely.
- 3. Avoid repeated wording Original: individuals Suggested revision: leaders Why it matters: The replacement varies the repeated phrase and identifies the relevant role more precisely.
- 4. Use concise preposition Original: within the government Suggested revision: in government Why it matters: The shorter form is the more natural expression for participation in government.
- 5. Use accurate contrast Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: This paragraph presents the opposing perspective rather than directly disproving the preceding claim.
- 6. Remove informal idiom Original: bring fresh perspectives and innovative ideas to the table Suggested revision: offer fresh perspectives and innovative ideas Why it matters: The revision is more concise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 7. Use formal wording Original: think outside the box Suggested revision: approach problems creatively Why it matters: The replacement conveys the same idea without relying on an informal cliché.
- 8. Remove unnecessary noun Original: decision-making processes Suggested revision: decision-making Why it matters: The shorter expression preserves the meaning and avoids unnecessary abstraction.
- 9. Avoid redundant pairing Original: growth and development of future generations Suggested revision: development of future generations Why it matters: Here, "growth" and "development" overlap in meaning, so one term is sufficient.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Young individuals bring fresh perspectives, innovative ideas, and a deep understanding of contemporary challenges. Suggested revision: Young leaders can offer fresh perspectives, innovative ideas and insight into contemporary challenges. Why it matters: The rewrite reduces repeated wording and uses more concise academic phrasing.
- 11. Develop the comparison Suggested revision: Use this paragraph to connect the value of experience with the benefits of younger leadership instead of repeating the preceding paragraph's list of advantages. Why it matters: A clearer comparison would improve progression from the two viewpoints to the writer's opinion.
Suggested Rewrites
- young individuals assuming significant roles young people taking on significant roles
- hold the belief that believe that
- individuals leaders
- within the government in government
- On the contrary By contrast
- bring fresh perspectives and innovative ideas to the table offer fresh perspectives and innovative ideas
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay gives balanced, well-developed coverage of both perspectives and maintains a clear favourable position, with especially strong discussion of experience, representation, and contemporary ideas. Its main limitation is repetition: the separate opinion and conclusion paragraphs largely restate earlier claims, and key phrases recur frequently. Prioritise synthesising the competing views more directly by explaining how youthful innovation can be combined with experienced guidance.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are explored in depth and the writer's favourable opinion is clear and consistently relevant to the question.
Strengthen the evaluation by explaining directly how mentoring or institutional safeguards could answer the stated risks of inexperience and manipulation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is logically sequenced and paragraphing is effective, although the opinion paragraph and conclusion repeat several earlier points.
Combine the personal evaluation with the conclusion or use the opinion paragraph to weigh the two sides rather than restating the advantages.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and generally precise, but phrases such as 'young individuals', 'fresh perspectives', and 'innovative ideas' are repeated noticeably.
Use more concise reference and controlled variation to avoid recurring noun phrases without introducing unnecessary synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex sentence forms is handled accurately, and errors are rare enough not to affect clarity or fluency.
Refine sentence rhythm by varying the repeated subject-led patterns while preserving the strong grammatical accuracy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays more and more young people hold important positions in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing while others argue that it is neither suitable nor desirable. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.