Bài Writing chính thức trong Cambridge IELTS 18–21

This response is a good attempt at the task. It does include the main information in the line chart but there are some details missing, for example, manufacturing [declined from 15 million to 13 million] with no mention of the peak in 1980 at 20 million. There is an attempt at an overview in the final paragraph, [To sum up, it can be seen that the economy in the US changed significantly in 60 years from 1960 to 2020, and at the same time occupations had been altered.] However, this is too generic. An overview needs to summarise the main changes that have occurred. Ideas are presented coherently. There are some nice examples of cohesive devices [Moreover | Firstly | in addition | To sum up] but some overuse [Furthermore | however]. Some effective vocabulary is used [second highest | approximately | dramatically | common | significantly | altered] but, generally, the lapses in word choice have a negative impact on the score, [healthcare | jobs in healthcare | as a healthcare | as a healthcare assistant]. Spelling is generally good, with a sprinkle of errors [hugh | huge] that do not impede understanding. Grammatical structures are not well controlled, with frequent errors, for example, in verb tenses [how changes are occupations | changes in occupations | increase | increased], countable forms [four different kind of | kinds of | Manufacturing was most common jobs | Manufacturing jobs were the most common / Manufacturing was most common] and articles [as a same number | as the same number]. To achieve a higher score, the candidate should include an overview that summarises the main changes, and demonstrate a greater level of accuracy in vocabulary and grammar.

This is a strong response overall. The first part addresses the benefits of tall apartment blocks, and includes the efficient use of ‘vertical space’ to fit in more homes, the benefits of ‘geometrical structure’ providing cheaper costs. The writer states that homes in apartments are usually more affordable and gives examples of [rookie workers] and [families] in Kuala Lumpur, having a safe place to return to [at the end of a day's work]. There is no mention of the advantages of other types of homes, but in this kind of question, it does not need to be presented. In the conclusion, the writer states that governments should build these kinds of tall apartment blocks, to decrease homelessness, increase the economy, and benefit community mental health. Progression is logical. Linking expressions are appropriate [Firstly | Besides | By… | Moreover | To paint a picture] with some good examples of reference [the ones | those who are | which] and paragraphing is helpful. Vocabulary use is strong with some precise meanings and effective collocation [squeeze in | rife with | stable or sufficient income | implement | boost | harmonious | healing one's mental health | mechanisms in place | common goal]. There are some small slips in lexis [onland homes | throat-choking price] although the meaning is clear. Sentences are varied and contain complex structures. There are multi-clause sentences with a range of structures, including modal verbs [might | can | should], but a few errors remain. Overall, this is a good response. To achieve a higher score, the candidate should include a few more ideas around the ‘best way’ to provide enough homes. Comparing the ‘tall apartment blocks’ to other solutions for providing enough homes would be beneficial.

This response addresses all of the changes illustrated in the college café plans. The writer describes how the café looked before the modifications, then moves on to the present day map. There is no overview, or summary of the information, but all main changes have been captured. Information is generally arranged coherently. The first paragraph is an introduction, and the second contains the rest of the comparison. There is evidence of linking expressions [First of all | Then | After that | Although], however, there is a lack of reference, resulting in repetition [as it is]. Vocabulary is generally good [modifications | replaced with | transformed into] but errors remain [redisign / redesign | midle / middle | seatting / seating | modificated / modified]. Grammatical range is mixed. There are examples of complex sentence forms, but there is frequent repetition of verb forms e.g. passive structures [have been changed | have been replaced | hasn't been modificated | has been added] which means the range is limited and precludes a higher score. To improve the score, an overview that summarises the main changes should be added. It would also be beneficial to show greater accuracy in vocabulary and a wider range of grammatical structures.

This is a strong response, with a series of ideas for each part, presented effectively. It starts with a note that different countries have different patterns and the writer's position is clear in the first paragraph [facilities are still of paramount importance]. The first half captures the benefits of watching performances and movies online; it saves time and money, people can watch at any time of day, with flexibility. Paragraph 4 presents the economic and cultural benefits, the big screen makes people feel more included in the experience, real live actors, who can so dome things that computers cannot, public money can be raised from get togethers for specific needs. The candidate concludes that some people think that cinemas and theatres are [non-useful places] but they believe there could bring a lot of advantages. Ideas are logically organised, and cohesive devices are varied. Reference is used [when | those] but with some inaccuracy [that facilities]. Some effective linking devices are used [On the one hand | Firstly | Secondly | On the other hand | On top of this]. However, paragraph 2 is one sentence, and should be combined with paragraph 3 for a more logical progression. Vocabulary is a strength, with frequent high-level items and some skilful collocation [of paramount importance | differing views | watch any content] although, some errors remain [devise / device] and there are some examples of less precise language [make people feel themselves inside the movie | watchers / audiences | non-useful places]. Grammatical structures are also varied and show some flexibility and some multi-clause sentences, including modal verbs and [if] clauses. However, most sentences are not error-free, as there are slips with articles, prepositions [in computers / on computers], other simple structures [is | are] and some missing punctuation. To achieve a higher score, the candidate could make the paragraphing more consistent, and aim for a greater degree of accuracy in vocabulary and grammatical structures.

This response addressed the requirements of the task but, overall, there is a lack of detail. The first paragraph is an introduction to the diagram. Task 1 Academic tasks require an overview, a summary of the key stages of the process, but this is missing. Paragraph 2 contains some irrelevant information [This is important because the process have a lot of steps and the distance gives time to all of them]. The main response comes in paragraphs 3 and 4 and it does include the main features, but there are details missing, such as ‘clouds form’ ‘Windward side’ and ‘Leeward side’. The irrelevant content and missing details detract from the score for this task. Information is generally arranged coherently and there are linking expressions [First of all | Moreover | Then] and some referencing within the process [this desert | all of them | this part]. There is some repetition [The first | First of all] but overall, cohesive devices are used to some good effect. Vocabulary is generally good and appropriate for the task [appears | explanation], the meaning is clear but there are errors [arrove / arrive | grow up / move up | saids / sees] and a lack of precision [in specific / specifically | gives time | below part]. Similarly, the grammatical range is narrow, often inaccurate and repetitive but the writer does attempt multi-clause sentences [while | when] and a modal verb [can] so there is some ability. Overall though, grammatical errors are frequent and they do cause some difficulty in understanding. To achieve a higher score, an overview, which summarises the main stages of the process should be presented.

This is a strong, detailed and well-developed response. Ideas are appropriate and the position is presented at the beginning of the 4th paragraph [advantages prevail]. The first three paragraphs act as the introduction. Paragraph 4 addresses the advantages of time spent studying abroad (which include comparing approaches and levels of education, practising skills in a new environment, seeing new horizons for future careers and cultural enrichment). Paragraph 5 addresses the advantages of doing a work placement (which include trying work positions and fitting into real professions). The final paragraph presents the drawbacks, although the main disadvantage mentioned is the inability of all universities to afford these initiatives, which is not a drawback of the initiatives themselves, but in the ability to run them. Some of paragraph 5 is less relevant to the question [why spend time on something you are not that good at?]. To improve this response, there could be more relevant detail on the advantages of work placements and, possibly, mention of ‘disadvantages’ of studying abroad and work placements themselves. The ideas presented are organised logically and the six paragraphs support overall coherence. Although paragraph 3 is only one sentence, so not a standard paragraph but this can be seen as a stylistic variant, to make the point more clearly. Cohesion is used well throughout, and the message can be followed with ease. Vocabulary is used well, with flexibility and precision [polishing their skills | new horizons | moving forward in that direction | future of humanity], with mostly accurate spelling and only a few errors in word choice [implemented these ideas into life | polar sides | taken as granted / taken for granted]. Similarly, the range of grammatical structures is wide. There are frequent multi-clause sentences and error-free sentences are frequent. This is a good, articulate response. There are a few small lapses in vocabulary and grammatical structures, and more could be added on the advantages of work placements, to score even more highly.

This is generally a good response, there is an introduction at the start, and an attempt at an overview […the users majority take part of full-time undergraduate and full-time post-graduate, such as they probably are the biggest data of library satisfaction]. To improve the overview, there should be a summary across both charts. Key data from the pie chart is presented quite well but the ‘Library user satisfaction’ data is not sufficiently covered. There are also examples of irrelevant information [would need more special materials | use it more than once during a day | use the library on their free-time] which can detract from task achievement. Ideas are mostly arranged logically. There are some nice linking expressions [since | also | so | Finally | On the other hand] with some slips [Even thought / Even though], and some good examples of reference [their | they]. Vocabulary is mainly appropriate and spelling is generally well managed [representation | pay attention]; some errors remain but don't affect understanding. Grammatical structures are mixed, but there are multi-clause sentences and examples of a range of structures, including modal verbs used correctly [would need], and with some errors [must to focus]. This response could be improved by including an overview that covers both charts (so, including the ‘Library user satisfaction’ table,) and eliminating the irrelevant content. A wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structure would also help improve the score.

This is an excellent response that presents a range of relevant ideas. The writer sets out their position in the opening paragraph, and addresses both parts of the question. Paragraph 2 presents the importance of formal learning: it teaches discipline and respect, it allows people to take exams to show how much they have learned and are capable of. Paragraph 3 goes on to present the importance of play: being too formal blocks fun, schools should promote ‘fun’ methods of teaching, they make suggestions of types of games and activities that could be used to teach in an enjoyable way, prevent boredom, and instil a love for lifelong learning. The conclusion brings the response to an end, but is quite general. It is appropriate, but could be more focused. Ideas are presented logically. A range of good linking expressions are used [To begin with | Moreover | On the other hand | Furthermore]. However, almost every sentence begins with a linking device which makes it quite mechanical. Generally, reference and cohesion within sentences is well managed [which | it]. A reduction in the number of linking devices that come at the start of sentences would make it less formulaic. Vocabulary is well managed, with a good range of higher-level items, including collocation [pay…attention | capable of doing | a crucial part of]. There are occasional errors [till / to | focused at / focused on] that detract from the highest scores. Grammatical structures are well presented, with a range of complex structures, including multi-clause sentences. A few errors do remain. Overall, this is a very strong and articulate response. To achieve a higher score, the candidate could provide a conclusion that refers directly to the question, and avoid starting each sentence with a linking expression.

This letter is a good response which covers each area of the task. It includes: when the problem began [last week], how the noise has affected them [impacting on my sleep], actions requested from the agency [message or phone the renter]. All bullet points are covered and the purpose is clearly presented. The tone is consistently polite. However, the format of the letter is incomplete as there is no ‘closing’ (e.g. Yours Faithfully, Best wishes), this does impact the score for Task Achievement. There is clear overall progression, although at times, the sentences are not as fluently linked as they might be. There is a good range of vocabulary that is more than adequate. Although there are errors, there are also many examples of accurate choice and appropriate modification [multiple interruptions | low quality sleep]. A mix of simple and complex structures is used, but mistakes with prepositions and slips with verb forms, limit the rating for this criterion. This response shows some features of higher-level performance, but weaknesses in format and grammatical control limit the overall rating to Band 6.

This is a strong response to the task. The position is clear, and the ideas presented are supported and developed. The candidate agrees that it is common for people to change their habits and their opinions, illustrates why they think this is true, and gives examples from their own experience. The concluding paragraph is rather too general and could be more strongly focussed on the question. The message is easy to follow. There are higher-level linking expressions [Throughout | Moreover | As a result] and cohesion is generally well managed, although there is some repetition due to a lack of reference [people]. Vocabulary is flexibly used, with some skilful examples, and collocation [countless people | struck by it | similar effect | current idea]. Some minor errors in word formation remain [relation]. Grammatical structures are also flexibly used, with the majority of sentences, without error, and examples of multi-clause sentences using [if | which]. Occasional errors remain, including [expose to / exposed to] and missing articles. This is already a strong response, but to achieve the highest ratings, the ideas could be more fully developed around ‘as they get older’ and the conclusion should refer back to this aspect of ‘getting older’. There is also room for even greater levels of accuracy in cohesion, vocabulary and grammatical structures.