The graph below shows the destinations of holiday makers from a particular Asian country in 2012.
Sample Response
The bar graph shows where holidaymakerstourists from an Asian country travelled for their holidayswent to celebrate their holidays in 2012. Overall, Malaysia and India were their two most popular destinationsfavourite destinations. The graph shows thatAs can be seen from the graph, the largest number of holidaymakershighest number of holiday seekers, exactly one millionone million to be exact, visited Malaysiawent to Malaysia in 2012. The second-highest number of tourists travelled to IndiaThe second largest tourist outflow from this country was to India with around 0.98 million travellers. Japanese share to this country’s tourists was exactly 800 thousand which was roughly 100 thousand higher than that of Australia going tourists. Furthermore, 0.6 million tourists visited Korea in this year which was approximately 0.2 million higher than the holiday seekers to Sri Lanka. Finally, the lowest number of tourists made their holidays in Pakistan in the same year which was around.25 million. DeleteIn summary, most of the travellers from this country preferred other Asian countries, such asother Asian countries like Malaysia, India and Japan as holiday destinationsas their holiday stops while Pakistan was their least visitedfavourite destination in 2012.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear overview and covers every destination with useful rankings and comparisons, making the main pattern easy to understand. Its principal content weakness is the inaccurate figure given for India, while awkward expressions frequently reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to verify every value against the chart and use standard comparative language for traveller numbers rather than forced phrases such as 'Australia going tourists'.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All destinations are covered and the highest and lowest categories are clearly identified, although India's figure is understated as 0.8 million rather than 0.9 million.
Check each value carefully and group the destinations into high, middle, and low totals to make the comparisons more selective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a clear ranking sequence and uses cohesive markers effectively, but it remains a single paragraph and repeats the overview in a final summary.
Separate the overview from grouped detail paragraphs and omit the repetitive concluding sentence.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range for describing rankings and quantities, but several expressions for tourists and destinations are unnatural.
Use standard phrases such as 'travellers to Japan', 'visitors from the country', and 'the least popular destination'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences communicate the data, though errors in noun phrases, relative clauses, and punctuation occur repeatedly.
Simplify overloaded comparison sentences and proofread forms such as 'Australia-bound tourists' and 'around 0.25 million'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the destinations of holiday makers from a particular Asian country in 2012.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.