The table gives information about department and online stores in Australia in 2011.
Sample Response
The tableThe yielded table comparescompared department stores and online stores by four criteria, namely number of businessesbusiness, profit, sales revenue and growth in Australia in 2011. Profit and sales revenue were measured inmeasured unit was Australian dollars (AUD).Australian dollar (aus)
Overall, it can be seen that online stores were ahead of department stores inthe department in all four categoriesthe yield of all categories.
For department stores, the total number of businesses was 67the total business number was 67, while the profitaverage profile was 807 Australian dollars. Moreover, AUD 12,70012700 AUS was the sales revenuethe revenue of sales in department storesdomestic shops. The growth of these shops was only 0.4%only 4%.
For online stores, Deletedue to a digital preference, the total business number was far higher than that for department stores, at 368far more than department stores on account of 368. Sales revenue was 13500 AUS which had more 700AUS than offline stores. Furthermore, no big difference was seen in profit; it was AUD 863profit it was 863 AUS. Furthermore, if we look at growth, it recorded growth of 0.6%it had 6% growth.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response is clearly organised and identifies the central pattern that online stores led on every measure. However, it misreads the growth figures as 4% and 6% rather than 0.4% and 0.6%, gives an inconsistent online-sales figure, and uses several awkward expressions; the priority is to verify every value and comparison against the table, then express them in straightforward, accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview is accurate and all four measures are addressed, but both growth rates are ten times too high, online sales revenue is misstated, and the response is slightly under length.
Check decimal points and totals carefully, reporting online sales as AUD 13,400 and growth as 0.6% compared with 0.4%.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, overview and store-specific paragraphs provide clear progression, though linking is repetitive and one profit sentence is run together.
Retain the logical paragraphing but use fewer formulaic connectors and separate each comparison into a properly punctuated sentence.
Lexical Resource
The response uses relevant terms for revenue, profit and growth, but inaccurate choices such as yielded, profile and on account of 368 weaken precision.
Prefer standard business expressions such as number of businesses, average profit, sales revenue and exceeded department stores by 301.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple structures usually communicate the data, but errors in articles, plurals, comparative forms and sentence boundaries occur frequently.
Practise accurate comparison patterns such as was higher than and was AUD 700 more than, while checking plural nouns and punctuation.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table gives information about department and online stores in Australia in 2011.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.