The graph above shows information about employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.
Sample Response
The bar chart provides the employment rates of different genders in 6 countries between 1995 and 2005.
Overall, it shows that the males had a better job record than the females. Furthermore, over the decadeduring a decade the employment rateswork opportunity for both men and womenboth males and females increased in all six countriesall over the countries. It is evident that the male employment ratesman employment conditions in Iceland were highercomparatively higher than the other fivefour countries, rising from about 70% to just over 80%reaching 70 to 80 percent in ten years.
As given in the diagram, in 1995, more than 60% of men were employed in Switzerland and Iceland, while in the other four countries the rates were equal to or below 60%. In 2005After ten years, the male employment ratepercentage was over 70%, except for Australia. In contrast, inby 1995, the female employment rate was more than 50% only in Switzerlandfor Switzerland only. Meanwhile, the rest of the countries were between about 25% and 50%around 20 % to 50%. These figures roseThis data rose by 2005ten years later so that in 2005, the female employment rate reached nearly 70% in Switzerland and it remained under 65% in the other five countriesfor the rest of the countries, it was under 65%.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is well focused and presents a clear overall pattern: male employment was higher and rates generally rose across the decade, with useful grouping rather than a country-by-country list. However, supporting detail is quite broad and some expressions are inaccurate or awkward; the best improvement would be to add a few precise cross-country comparisons while using natural employment vocabulary and consistently controlled sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response gives an accurate overview and relevant grouped comparisons, although supporting figures and distinctions among individual countries are limited.
Add a few precise values showing the highest, lowest, and most notable male-female or 1995-2005 contrasts across the six countries.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to grouped male and female comparisons, with generally effective paragraphing and referencing.
Strengthen cohesion by replacing vague references such as 'This data' with the exact group or trend being discussed.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the task and communicates the trends, but awkward expressions including 'job record' and 'man employment conditions' limit naturalness and precision.
Use standard terms such as employment rate, male employment, female employment, proportion, and percentage-point increase consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the main comparisons clearly, though recurring article, agreement, plural, and phrasing errors remain noticeable.
Proofread noun phrases and agreement carefully, especially constructions involving men and women, rates, countries, and comparative forms.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph above shows information about employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.