In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
Thanks to the technological and scientific advancements, people's lives have become significantly progressed, particularly in improving human health with the most modern applications and effective treatments. It is inevitable that the remarkable increase in life expectancy has been a phenomenon in many countries as well as impacted both positively and negatively on their societies.
Older adults have been appreciated as valuable and essential resourcesas the valuable and essential resource to their communities with tangible and intangible contributionsmaterial and immaterial contributions that benefit younger peoplewhich benefit the younger. The increased longevity might create many opportunitiesmany time opportunities for those who are still eagerthose who still eager to pursue their professional or research interestsworking or researching passion for societal development, encouraging younger generationsthe young generations to build on this work and pursue further successto inherit and attempt more for further success. The retirement age has been adjusted in most fields of workmost of working fields in order that the elderly can work longer and continue contributingwith their contributing expectation, particularly the maximum working age of 60the working year maximum of 60 for men and that of 55 for women.
In spite of significant valuevalues that the elderly can bring to societyto the society, there are some negative implications which might put the government and the whole community under financial and healthcare pressure. The more people retire, the heavier pension burden the state has to carry. After working for a certain periodAfter a certain period of time for working, regardless of their living standardswhether their living standards are better, they still have the right to receivehave right to receive social welfare from their government. Therefore, many countries consequently give more consideration totake more consideration into budget distribution for this section. Additionally, the increasing numberamount of older adults is more likely to exacerbate overpopulation worldwide, which will lead to overloaded facilities such asmany overloaded facilities as hospitals, retirement homes and housing provision.
The constant proliferation in the ageing population has been obviously creating both benefits and burdens to their societies. Therefore, the government in every country should implement aging-friendly policies and efficient programs so as to mitigate this issue's negative influences and still improveprogress people's standards of living.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is well organised and discusses relevant benefits and burdens of an ageing population, with the pension and healthcare pressures explained most clearly. However, it never answers the central comparative question by stating whether the effects are more positive or more negative, and some supporting claims are vague or questionable. Prioritise a clear outweighing judgement in the introduction and conclusion, then use the body paragraphs to justify that comparison directly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both positive and negative effects are addressed, but the required judgement about which side is greater is absent and some ideas are insufficiently substantiated.
State whether the benefits or burdens predominate and compare their relative scale and significance throughout the response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear thematic paragraphs and generally logical progression, though a few explanations and examples connect only loosely to their central claims.
Use explicit comparative links to show how each benefit or burden contributes to the final outweighing judgement.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of topic vocabulary is attempted, but frequent unnatural collocations and imprecise word choices sometimes make ideas difficult to express cleanly.
Prefer established phrases such as longer life expectancy, valuable community resource, pension expenditure, healthcare capacity, and ageing population.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but errors in verb forms, articles, relative clauses, countability, and agreement are frequent though meaning remains mostly clear.
Simplify overloaded sentences and check that every noun phrase has the correct article, number, and corresponding verb form.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? What is your opinion on that?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.