In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
It is true that in some countries the number of senior people is growing steadily. It is undeniable that the issue has some benefits and drawbacks, but I personally believe that it has more drawbacks and the following essay will discuss them in detaildetails.
On the one hand, the increasing number of older people in a country has some positive effectsshows some positive aspects. Firstly, it means that the quality of the country's healthcare system is quite highthe healthcare system in the country is quite high, people's economic conditions are betterthe economic condition of the people is better and citizens have a better lifestyle than those in other countries. Senior people with better economic conditions are able to purchase healthier foodfoods and consume enough vitamins, which are essential for maintaining their healthmaintaining their health level. Secondly, it also shows that the government has successfully provided better medical carea better medication for older peoplefor the senior people. As the quality of the public health services improves, it means that an increasing number of older peoplemore and more old people are being properlyfairly treated. Consequently, they can maintain their healththey could maintain their health level and have a longer life expectancy. Some sectors such as teachingsectors like teaching, research and politics require extensive experience and older people in such countriesthe older people in such countries can contribute to these sectors.
On the other hand, the growing number of senior citizens also has some negative consequences. As the number of older peoplethe number of the old people increases, the government has to allocate a larger budgetprovide a higher budget for retirement homeshouses and medical services. These funds are collected from taxes paid by other citizenstaxes from other citizens. If the ratio of older people increases in a country, then the percentage of working-age peopleworking class people decreases and that has a direct impact on the economic growthprogress of the country. Lastly, the country will also face a problem with population densityface population density problem. As the medication and health facilities improve, the mortality rate of the country also increase, and it would cause a serious population problem for the country.
In conclusion, despite all the advantages, increasing number of senior people in a country has some disadvantages as well. I personally believe that a country should focus on maintaining a balanced ratio for the population of different age groups.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay maintains a clear view that population ageing has more negative effects and develops relevant concerns about public spending and a shrinking workforce. Its main limitation is factual and analytical precision: much of the positive paragraph describes causes or indicators of longevity, while the claim that improved healthcare raises mortality is incorrect. Prioritise genuine social benefits and accurate demographic cause-and-effect reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position and several relevant negative effects are presented, but positive effects are partly confused with causes of longevity and one demographic claim is inaccurate.
Discuss older people's experience, caregiving, or volunteering as true benefits, then explain dependency ratios and healthcare costs accurately.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into introduction, positive effects, negative effects, and conclusion, although some supporting ideas within paragraphs do not build cleanly.
Arrange each body paragraph as effect, explanation, and consequence, removing details that merely explain why people live longer.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of demographic, healthcare, economic, and public-service vocabulary, with some repetitive or awkward combinations.
Prefer precise terms such as 'older population', 'healthcare quality', 'residential care', 'working-age population', and 'dependency burden'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is generally clear, though errors with articles, agreement, comparatives, and noun phrases occur regularly.
Check agreement and articles in phrases such as 'the number increases', 'the mortality rate decreases', and 'a population-density problem'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? What is your opinion on that?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.