Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
Professional sportsmen and women are and have always been inspirational idols in young people's livesin young people’s life. In my opinion, youngsters take them as examplestake examples from them and attempt to become successful people in the futuresuccessful forthcoming people of the same type. The young generation also mimics the styles and fashions of their favourite sports person. I believe that the professional athletes can be exemplary figures for the young generation.
Their persistence and perseverance are an incentive for young people. When children observeBecause when children observe some people around them that achieve great successattain big successes they get thrilled and develop a desirefall in the desire of such ambitious goalsresounding targets. No one can perceive this emotional reaction as a bad thing. As children get olderIn sequence as children get older, they carry these targets with them and also they boost their ambitionsthey boost ambitions by seeing other achievements of inspiring people. In addition, they continue their educationproceed their educational period with these ambitions.
One of the positive aspects of professional athletes' influence is that they are not only a source of inspirationthey do not only be an insight and incentive for those who wish to become a sportsperson but also they exhibit massive successes because of equally great efforton account of at least that big efforts and hard workworking for other children who intend to be successful engineers, doctors or business people. Athletes are also good examples for children who are not in good condition and environment. These athletes such as Usain Bolt, Muhammed Ali and others teach children to tolerate hardshipsteach to tolerate hardships and learn from themthose. Most successful sports people come from poverty and show that if people have ability and determinationshow their abilities that if they wish to achieve and work hard they can reach their target.
To sum up, professional and successful sports people provide much of children's inspirationconstitute a large part of children's inspirations and their perseverance and hard work help their little admirers to try and take initiatives to become like them.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay’s strongest feature is its clear position that successful athletes can inspire young people, supported by ideas about perseverance, ambition, and overcoming hardship. Its main limitation is the one-sided treatment: possible negative role models are ignored, while imprecise vocabulary and frequent structural errors sometimes obscure the argument. Briefly address athletes’ harmful behaviour, then defend the overall view using direct topic sentences and simpler, accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay presents a clear opinion that professional athletes are good role models and supports it with perseverance, ambition, and examples, but it does not address negative counterarguments.
Briefly acknowledge that some athletes behave badly, then explain why successful and disciplined athletes can still be positive models overall.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is organized into introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but some progression is unclear because linking phrases and references are unnatural.
Start each body paragraph with a direct topic sentence and reduce repeated references to ambitions, targets, and success.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows ambition but is often imprecise, with awkward phrases such as forthcoming people, fall in the desire, and exhibit massive successes.
Use simpler accurate words: inspire, motivate, goals, achievement, discipline, and overcome hardship.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The range of structures is adequate, but frequent errors in clauses, articles, prepositions, and verb patterns reduce clarity.
Check each sentence for correct verb patterns after help, teach, intend, and become.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. What is your opinion on that?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.