For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays?
Sample Response
Many people believe that the concept of a perfect holiday is by going on a vacation to ruralcountry areas or staying in a resort or camping in the countrysidestaying in a resort and getting away from routine activities. However, there are others who choose to stay at homeat their house and do some personal tasks that they have not done yet. The following essay will discuss the advantages of taking a trip during the holiday period in detaildetails. To begin with, it is a fact that competition at workworking competition in big cities such as in New York, Tokyo or London is getting tougher these days. Therefore, workloads and work pressures are getting more intense nowadaysTherefore workloads and work pressures are getting more intense nowadays and have increased the stress level of many employees. Many of these people feel depressed, hopeless and burnt out with their daily routine activities and this has negatively affectedand that have negatively impacted to their work performance and individuals' livesindividual's life as well. For a number of reasons, it is believed that the best way to release stress is by doingtaking some leisure activities. First, taking a tripFirstly, by taking a trip to the mountain areas, people could get away from the noise, distraction and pollution that they must face daily. They could do some relaxation and meditation activities in these places, which could help them in releasing their stress. Secondly, by taking a vacation to the countryside or to some resorts, people could spend quality timepeople could have some quality time with their families. Lastly, taking a trip to new areas will enrich people's experienceexperiences, as they will learn new cultures, new languages and new foods. In conclusion, it is believed that people should take a trip to a new area or go to scenic placessome scenery places during their holiday period. Going to some tourist destination places such as the mountain areas, or the beach bringsbring a lot of benefits for travellersmankind since it could help them in releasing their stress level and they could have some quality time with their families.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response stays focused on the benefits of travelling and supports its position with relevant points about stress relief, family time, and cultural experience. Its main weakness is presentation: the essay forms one long paragraph, while several ideas remain general and awkward language reduces fluency. The highest priority is to organise the benefits into clear body paragraphs and develop each one with a precise explanation or example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response focuses on the benefits of going away on holiday, which answers the question. It gives several relevant benefits, including stress relief, family time, and cultural experience, but some ideas are general and the stay-at-home contrast is not used much.
State two or three main benefits clearly and explain why they are stronger than the benefits of staying at home.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is written as one long paragraph, which limits coherence. There is a logical order from introduction to reasons and conclusion, but paragraphing and transitions need much better control.
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, stress relief, family/cultural benefits, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and topic-related, with words such as routine, workload, leisure, countryside, and tourist destination. Some phrases are unnatural, including country areas, in details, and scenery places.
Use natural travel vocabulary such as rural areas, in detail, scenic places, tourist destinations, and daily routine.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is mostly clear, but errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, and sentence boundaries are frequent. Some long sentences are awkward and reduce fluency.
Break long sentences into shorter ones and check each noun phrase for articles and plural forms.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.