Nowadays it is more difficult for children to concentrate to pay attention in school. Discuss the causes and propose some solutions.

Same questionCompare 2 different answers (Band 5.5–6.5)

Sample Response

1

It is true that children face a lot of pressurestrains these days while sitting in a classroom and they cannot focus on their academic studiesstudy well due to various reasons. Even though there are certain problems, parents and teachers can take proactive steps to mitigate this issue completely.

2

There are many reasons behind the lack of concentration by children in schools. First and foremost, children often tend to use mobile phones or laptops as they are greatly influenced by advanced technology. As a result, they cannot stay for a long timestay a long time in a conventional classroom without operating such devices. Naturally, they develop discomfort in the classroom and they fail to attend the whole classattend whole class with higher concentration, whereas their mindsmind will be in electronic devicesnewer electronic gadgets instead of academic subjects. Moreover, since children have a much heavier workloadmuch more workload to study in schools in a limited time frame, they always try to save time as much as they can. For example, most of the pupils skip their meals, particularly breakfast to get a smallfew amount of time for studying. This habit would negatively affect the physical their physical healthhealth status of them, which will reduce the ability to concentrateconcentration ability. Besides, obviously, they become fatigued and weak because of the decreased level of glucose and energy. Environmental pollution and eating habits are two other reasons to affect students physically and mentally. This causes them to focus less on classes. Moreover, family issues, parents’ lack of attention and scarcity of qualified teachers are some other reasons that create this problem.

3

However, these issues can be addressed effectively if certain steps are taken by parents and teachers. I believe the most obvious solution is that parents should control their children in the use of technological devices such as iPad, computers and smartphones, which helps to avoid physical and psychological health issues to a greater extent. It also reduces mental restlessnesswavering nature of mind considerably and attention span would increase vastly. A further step would be - teachers and parents should teach students proper time management skills. Therefore, childrenTherefore children can fulfil responsibilities and duties without consuming more time. Another possibility is that nutritional lessons should be arranged in the school setting for improving the awareness among children regarding the importance of a well-balanced dietthe adequacy of well-balanced diet while studying. Establishing schools in a calm and beautiful place, adding more fun while learning, arranging training for teachers regarding their behaviours towards children and maintaining a healthya maintaining a healthy child-parent relationship can boost up the children’s attention in classrooms.

4

To conclude, despite certain causes for the lack of children’s attention in classes, parents and teachers can solve this issue properly if they take correct precautions. So I hope concerned authority will consider these methods, while students possess such problems.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.5

The response’s strongest feature is its broad, relevant coverage of both causes and practical solutions, with a clear overall structure. Its effectiveness is reduced by long body paragraphs that accumulate several briefly explained points, while recurring grammatical and collocational problems make some phrasing awkward. The highest-priority improvement is to select fewer ideas, develop each through a precise cause-and-effect explanation, and group related content into shorter, controlled paragraphs.

Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

TR

Task Response

7.0
Scoring rule

The essay addresses both causes and solutions with several relevant ideas, although some points are listed rather than developed deeply.

Next step

Choose fewer causes and solutions, then explain each one with a clearer cause-effect link.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

6.5
Scoring rule

The structure is clear, but the body paragraphs are long and some ideas are piled together near the end.

Next step

Group related causes and solutions into smaller, more controlled paragraphs.

LR

Lexical Resource

6.5
Scoring rule

Vocabulary is varied and mostly appropriate, but some collocations are unnatural, such as "wavering nature of mind" and "scarcity of qualified teachers" in this context.

Next step

Use simpler precise phrases when a formal phrase sounds forced.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0
Scoring rule

Meaning is clear, but articles, quantifiers, prepositions, and sentence structure errors are frequent.

Next step

Check countable nouns and article use, especially before school/classroom/authority.

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IELTS Writing Task 2

Nowadays it is more difficult for children to concentrate to pay attention in school. Discuss the causes and propose some solutions.

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