Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Mobile phones have become widely used in recent years. However, these days scientists want to know the reasons for the alarming trend of increased consumption of smartphones by many youngsters, and explore its ramifications on youths experiencing this. I believe that using mobile phones at a very young age could have detrimental effects on family relationships and children’s mental healthmental health as well.
To begin withTo embark on, one of the main reasons why young peoplegenerations use smartphones extensivelyon a wide range is because their parents are preoccupiedbecause of parents’ preoccupation. In other words, when fathers and mothers are overwhelmed by demanding workcrowded with hectic work, they do not have enough time to communicate with their offspring. This can be witnessed in Egypt where many single mothers work at more than one job in order to secure a higher standard of livingbetter life standard for their children. Thus it is recommended that guardians should dedicate more time to their offspring to prevent family relationships from deterioratingavoid family relationship gaps.
Moreover, mobile phones couldNevertheless, mobiles could have deleterious effects on children’s cognitive developmentjuveniles’ cognitive skills. To illustrate, if young children use smartphones for a long time, they might develop mental health problemsmental problems. For example, research conducted by some psychologists at Cairo University, in Egypt, foundstated that 30 per cent of children who usedconsumed mobile phones at a young age were diagnosed with autism spectrum disordersuffered from Autistic Spectrum. Hence, it can be said that phones could have a damaging impactbe of a damaging impact on young people’s mental healthyouths’ mentality.
In conclusion, after this essay has manifested the points above, it can be reiterated that busy caretakers might lead to their children’s excessive smartphone usethe over-consumption of mobiles by their children, and this could have a negative effect on their mental healthstatus as well as family relationshipsthe family relationship.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response has a clear negative position and a conventional structure that makes its main line of argument easy to follow. Its principal weakness is uneven development: the explanation for heavy smartphone use is narrow, while the claimed link with autism is insufficiently credible and several ideas are expressed through inaccurate collocations. The priority is to support both parts with more convincing causal reasoning and precise, natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered and the position is clear, but the causes and negative effects are developed somewhat narrowly and unconvincingly.
Explain the causal chain more fully and replace the unsupported autism claim with a credible, directly relevant example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear paragraph structure and overall progression, although some linking expressions are mechanical or logically imprecise.
Use transitions that accurately signal the relationship between the cause paragraph and the effects paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Prioritise accurate combinations such as smartphone use, busy parents, and harmful effects instead of forcing less familiar wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, though recurring article, preposition, and clause-level weaknesses remain.
Edit complex sentences for cleaner clause relationships and more accurate use of articles and prepositions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this case? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.